To Math or Not to Math……

How I ruined T’s life……again…..
Received an email from T’s teacher. He has been struggling to learn math. Understanding the formulas etc. Has not engaged with the help that has been offered to him. Was completely unable to answer questions on last math quiz because he did not understand. Well I sent a note back saying that she should send work home for T and he and I would work on them. And if the work did not make it home with him I was more than willing to pick it up from the school.
Waited for T to get home. Had sent the email to the ex but have heard nothing back from him.
‘Hello.’
‘Hey buddy how was your weekend?’
‘Good. Yours?’
‘Good. We have to talk about your math T. You are not doing well so Mrs. S is going to be sending work home with you.’
‘I am not doing homework.’
‘Yes you are.’
And it began. Drama King came out on his white charger. Surly Boy reared his head too and the attitude poured off of him.
How could I ruin his life like this? Did I not want him to have any fun? And how is it fair that the school can just email the parents? Why can they do that? They should not be able to email parents like this! He went on and on and on. I sat here staring at him calmly. At the end of his rant he went to pick up his bag with the Xbox in it. I stopped him.
He was not getting his Xbox not with that attitude he was throwing my way. But moooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmm…….yeah no.
So he goes into his room and begins to kick things around. Throwing things and banging on his door. Until I told him to stop it. At which time he asked me if I had any boxing gloves? Why? I asked (not that I do) He wanted to punch his bedroom door until he broke it. Is this normal boy behaviour? I am not a boy so I really cannot say. Again yeah no.
Chores. Do the chores and maybe I will let you have your Xbox back. Without attitude. Some stomping of feet, muttering under his breath, half-assedly cleaning the cat litter box and feeding the cats. Stared at me while I contemplated……contemplated……..would he like some honey garlic wings if I made some? After a suitable amount of fear time (this is the amount of time one can stall whilst giving child heart attack that you may change your mind) I told him he could take it.
I made the wings. Told T that they were ready and if he wanted some he had to come out to the living room. He did. Sat next to me while we watched some show.
‘Mom I am sorry about earlier.’
‘I know you are and thank you for saying so. You still are going to have to do the homework with me.’
Sigh of disgruntled disgust. We start tomorrow when we get home from his dad’s. There will most likely be a lot of cursing and hair pulling. That of course is just myself on the inside as I work with T to understand these concepts. Wish us luck folks. 
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Ruined I say!

***This post was written a few weeks ago but today I was able to finish.***
So….I have decided because he is so funny and a wealth of posts that I will create a new category…..I ruined his Life. T and me have been fighting a lot. And in every instance I ruined his life. These are the stories…..
Let us begin with Monday. 6:41 a.m. my phone rings. It is the school division letting me know that school was cancelled. Had they been any later and I would not have somewhere for T to go. Messaged ex and he stopped to pick T up. Brought him home in eveninng too. I worked 9:30-6. My day was easy. The Ex drops T off at 9:30ish. In the evening.
 So Tuesday morning. All is good until the end……T suddenly cannot find his hat. This hat that means life or death…..if he does not have this hat he is going to die. This is his favorite hat. Okay it is fricken freezing out. There is snow in my car. He is acting like a shit. Do not gasp in disgust…..every single parent out there has had the asshole moment. And you know what, we are going to face the asshole a whole shit load before they turn 18. This applies to daughters as well.
He left the hat on my couch. Nope. I cleaned on Sunday. There was no hat on my couch. 
Now it is 8:50. T has to be at school in 10 minutes. He is refusing to leave because he cannot find his hat. This hat is his favorite. And where is it? What did I do with it? 
So now, I am livid. He is pulling this shit…..the I am going to move slower than a sloth shit……I am boiling. Screaming. 
He finds a hat. Not his favorite but 2nd favorite.
 Wednesday a.m. I run to store to get sugar get home and he is still in bed. See Wednesday is shower day. That was awesome. Screaming. Water every where and how can I be so mean??????
 I get him clean. I thought all was good. All was not good. Omfg where did the hat go? He threw it at the PC last night. It should be on the floor. OMFG I lost it. Like lost it. Stuffed animals flew and T was screaming that I had ‘hurt’ him. The google eyes on his stuffies hurt him. I was seriously pissed.  There was much screaming. Oh holy hell…..I threw it here……you moved it and if not you the cats!! What????? The cats moved your damn hat. So once more there is screaming and yelling and I don’t know who is the loudest….me or him.
More fights. More mom is killing me. Omg she hurt me.I do not deserve this. 
Thursday….Mom……Yes T…..I found my hat…..Really where?…Over here where you looked. I did not look there. You said you threw it over here. You blamed me and my ninja like moves. You accused the cats of moving your hat.  We were totally out to get you.
Sooooooooo…..you tossed your hat….and I am at fault…..oh hell no…..I am calling you out.
Evil mom rides again. Me and the cats…..we deserve an apology. 
 I did not get a sorry. The cats did  not get an apology. However he calmed his shit down.
 Until today (Feb 17/19) Mom did some bad juju. But that is a story for tomorrow.

Untitled Word of the Day Poem #21

I was ready…..
ready to say
holy fuck
not only did you make my day
you made my year
my everything….
Asshole.
Forbidden
I have been
from allowing  you
back into my life
my segments…..
I was told no.
Not only my circle
rally around
there is another
showing me my worth
my destiny.
This could have been your quest.
But…..
well…..
 I was not good enough.
Is it really greener?
That grass
on the other side of the fence?
Is it really a brighter emerald??
Tell me true.
As you stand
barrier
simple fence
enough to cage a sheep
caught you in a trap
I thought you were smarter than that.
Was it worth it?
I am not like the others…..
Fuck no
talk …..
admit
talk ….
to me
seriously?
I can no longer bend.
Bow
I am done.
I loved you.
I love you,
I wanted to help.
I want to help.
I wanted to lessen your burden.
But…..
well……
Hi…..
Over here…..
good bye.
I….
I love you….
I speak words of disgrace
throw the synonyms
while your vowels penetrate
my skin.
Crimson tears
heart scarred
will I ever trust again?
 
Feb. 17/19

Untitled Relationship Poem #7

Fuck you!
Slashing
slicing
violent words 
used to rip your soul apart
the way you ripped mine.
No guns
no fists 
no blades
vicious words 
spill from my mouth
looking to cut you away.
Trust has been blasted
no more base
not sure what I am going to do
you have hurt me so much.
I should have insisted
but your words 
your promises 
your voiws
lulled my suspicions.
Never again.
Grievous pain
firing through heart
brain
tired of the charge
I want to turn it off.
I want to numb myself
to this hurt inside.
Standing beneath the rushing water
deep breath
once in
twice out
it will be alright.
A fool am I 
love knows no bounds
not a love like this.
Rage
frothing
swelling
you should really run
’cause this woman 
went and got her gun.
 
Feb. 16/18
 

Untitled Word of the Day Poem #20

‘I’m tired…..
tired 
exhausted
by being the strong one.
My shoulders 
heavy with the sins of others
my heart
battered
broken
what the hell did I do?
For this to seem alright?’
Falling to my knees
head bent
sorrow in my heart
rage in my soul
fuck you
and that damn horse…..
the one you rode in on.
Stand there
look down on me
chortle
are you really that much better?
I raise my eyes
my hands
open my ears
while you shut down
crawl back into your hole.
Tell me now brother
how are you better?
Why is my worth less?
‘Weary I am.
Why should I 
Atlas be?
Holding up this world
all so others…..
not me
never me…..
benefit?
Shall I stand
smile affixed
sneer behind my eyes
I will never trust you again.’
Devil’s jig
Imp’s grin
Bratty laughter
who wins?
You?
Me?
No one?
‘Rise I shall.
Thrusting above 
the weight of lives
left to me 
guarding
never failing
unlike you
fallen in sin……
Not sorry am I 
yet 
you will be.’
Head bowed
remorse
tears
caress sensitive cheeks
hearing
feeling
bloody screams
cringing
blows across the breast.
I did give warning……..
Feb. 16/19
Photo by JOHN TOWNER on Unsplash

Untitled Poem #13

Blind
lights flash in the rear view mirror
time
horror filled 
breaking down.
It pains me
physically 
I ache
knowing what happens
what he does 
to you
to the child
to me.
I am stronger.
I can take it.
Hide beneath my skirts
I will survive
you would not
so Robin Hood I shall be.
Hands covered in gore
knife falling to the floor
flee we will
I must save you
before I fall from grace.
Worry not 
I will find a home
solace for you
for the child too.
Company to love 
to heal
to cover the scars
with warm embrace.
Watch not
tears streaking 
filmed sight
hands behind my back
remember me……
not for the angry rage
that caused me to destroy
maim
oblitereate
the man who hurt 
who abused us all.
Remember only
that I loved you 
cared for you
got you away 
from that horrid life.
I love you true.
I am sorry I failed you.
Too many hurts
too much pain
before finally 
the monster was slain.
 
Feb. 15/19

Untitled Word of the Day Poem #19

Have not slept a night through
there is an empty space
in my bed
where once you lay
always willing to pull me close
to kiss my brow
assure me all was right.
Dreams splintered
demons raging
monsters crashing in.
Curled in a corner
blankets over my head
repeating
only a dream 
only a dream
in hopes that they will go.
So smitten was I
with you
monster banishing
demon slaying
god like man.
I was on my knees before you
honoring you with prayers.
Wisp of smoke
fading in the air
locked in denial
screaming in rage
please come back
so I can gouge your eyes out.
Feb. 14/19