It Will Happen

Tears
streak
drip from eyes
fall to chin
hollow pain
erupting
bringing me to my knees
gasping
head forward
drool
as I sob
nothing has hurt more
than this
feeling discarded
unwanted
even though
I know
deep within
this is not the truth
pain roils
never ending.
Tears continue to seep
stand beneath the shower
sobbing
how could this happen
when I had given so much
bringing forth life…..
I knew this day would come
when I was no longer number one
independence gained
mom’s loss
tender pain
does it ever end?
Or will I cry these tears forever?
A river.
An ocean.
It hurts.
 
©Nov. 26/22

I’m The Toxic One

So I make one of my co-workers anxious. Which leads to her then saying things that are not true. I get frustrated with how she supervises which leads to me getting annoyed.

K and me were talking about this this morning as well as discussing one of the young girls who was a recent hire. Super sheltered she is an easy frustration for the others. I am trying very hard to remain positive that this young lady can be taught. She is friendly. She talks to the customers. She just needs to learn.

As I am talking to K about extending grace to this recent hire, it hit me that I too must extend grace. To the other supervisor. K was giggling away because she had been about to say that to me. About grace.

Instead she cheered me with how quickly I came around. I did tell her though that I would only come to the front when I was needed because I was not able to handle it. That the way I felt that supervising should happen and the way she does it are two very different things.

I did see her before she stared her shift. Wished her a good morning. She mentioned how much she loved Christmas. I mentioned how it was beginning to feel like it as well. And the Christmas carols have begun on repeat.

I find myself singing along which is funny because years before I am a grinch about them. Hate them. LOL The fact they come on in November makes it even worse. But not this year. This year I am loving them.

I am going to work on how I speak to this other co-worker. I am going to be more aware of how I come across. I can be scary. I know this. And when I stand like a foot over her it can be overwhelming. I am a loomer. I am also a lurker but in this instance it is looming.

I did tell K that for the foreseeable future I was going to be avoiding the front end unless absolutely necessary and she said that was understandable.

Nov. 25/22

Picture via Pinterest

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