My Blood Pressure

Okay…..I quit smoking….I ummmm have given up salt…..alcohol  I still drink. I walk an average of 10000 a day save for the days that I am off.

Today  I was in to see my doctor. I live with depression. Live with not suffer…..But sometimes depression gets the upper hand. We talk, I tell him I need meds, he suggests we take my blood pressure. 165/95 and he says to me….not a true reading.

I all teary eyed suggest that maybe I need to be on medication. His response omg so your blood pressure will be 90/60 I don’t think so.

The belief here is that my depression is playing havoc with my blood pressure. My stress levels and the fronts that I present make my numbers out of this world.

But I am willing to admit this, I am so willing to see this….I need to be better.

My Own

Beneath a stark sky….diamond prick prints of star light

Do I know you….do  I care…. am I suppose to hide from you?

I see stark bone limbs framed by black lit sky

Stars acting as velvet backdrops

Drool upon my lower lip, bitten in desire.

Arching, aching, I submit my soul….I do not hate,

I do not detach, I can only hope that I am yours.

If your chose to debase, to turn up your

rosy regard; let me know so my kilt I may keep,

my humanity my own.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen February 2017

Lassitude

I sit with silent lassitude

unable to determine

If I am sane. Or like the rabbit;

have I gone crazy?

I count all my fingers, I count all my toes

I touch my face, my eyes, my nose,

My lips and my ears, am I whole?

The times I have sat before the mirror

the times that I have stared, uncomprehending;

it now all comes together.

For whilst in the darkest of my shadows,

there is no truer delusion than the one that the

Brain does not want to face, that it is no longer

in control, and that the emotions, the tears and the fears

they are the ones manning the barricades.

Barricades that bend and sway beneath the brutal tide

as it tries to break it’s way in, to shred and to eat.

Whilst outside, I am ignorant aware only slightly that

something might be off.

It is only when I begin to really sense the a-kilter of my mind

do I realize that the devil and his minions have come to play

To tear me down and rake my soul, making me believe I can be no more.

Delusions and braggarts, fears and tears, the domicile of my being.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

Feb 22/17