How did I make you cry?

So your friend, your mother, your sister, your brother etc are depressed. And you call them with the best intentions. You are calling to give them support, offer your love and devotion, tell them that they are not alone. And yet at the end of the call when they are sobbing and assuring you it is not your fault, you are stuck wondering what the fuck you did.

You were nice. You said the right words, your mouthed the right platitudes, but in the end, you just do not get it.

Depression is not easily understood. You cannot talk to someone else about it. You cannot ask them for their experience. Because what they have gone through I have not! My loathing and disgust has no bearing on someone else’s. I am angry and no,  I will not benefit from talking to someone because at 44 years old, I already know all the shit that is wrong with me. I know my triggers and I know that my dad was an asshole but that is another story.

I have spoken to therapists and counsellors.  I have gorged my pain and reiterated the loathing. That is no longer the issue here. The issue is my seratonin levels are fucked up. There is something wrong with my brain chemistry. And I am okay with that. What I need to do is suck it up and accept it.

But this post is not really about me. It is for those who are confused because they reached out, they were supportive, they wanted to understand and yet you sobbed, you stammered, you made no sense. And the whole reason behind that is that they were nice to you. It is the niceness that is the killer. For my sake……this might not be for all who live with depression so sound it out first…..do not be nice to me.

Author: Jay-lyn Doerksen

A single hard working mom of a soon to be teenage son. A poet and story teller I have wanted to write since I was a child. This space is where I share stories about myself and my life and the creative poetry that stirs my soul. My hope is you will pull up a chair and a cup of coffee delving into the world that I offer and you find simple enjoyment for a few moments. Welcome to The Wonderful & Wacky World of One Single Mom

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Flutterbys-louisa

Literary Adventures

aanya4u

Smile! You’re at the best WordPress.com site ever

Guide Fleury

"...and a chance of evening Fleury's."

Sereneluna

ღFinding My Inner Goddessღ

MadieJ

#Meditation #Spiritual Programs #Alternative Health Information #Healing Courses #Crystals #Family Assistance Packages #Animal Wellbeing Information #General Blogging #friendship

BeingMomIsaBliss

Learning Motherhood on the GO !!!

Milsy Girl

I'm a daughter, a sister, a wife and a mum but don't forget I'm me!

A Perturbed Virgo

A Cacophony Of A Single Mother’s Musings

Thomas W. P. Slatin

American Writer, Photographer, and Website Designer. Former career Fire and EMS Lieutenant.

Word of the Day Challenge

Alternative haven for the Daily Post's mourners!

Question Asking with April

A Blog asking questions about life, love and what the hell we are doing in this crazy world!

Arturo's Stories Bizarre

Stories Bizarre, a fabulous collection of weird, extremely bizarre short stories, as well as some highly strange but very interesting poems, written by author and poet Arturo Hernandez.

utahan15

poetry and prose

Eddie silver

not a whole lot really

EllPoet Emotionally Raw Poetry.

I write poetry that is unexpected, raw, from the heart & mind, I don’t shy away from being emotional, & real in my writing.

%d bloggers like this: