On Display

You tell me that you love me. You tell me that you care. And yet, you stand back a little unnerved by the person that I am.

I state to you that I am in a mood; a mood you ask what does that mean? It means that I am going to be irreverent, flip and with casual disregard, I will ignore you. My sarcasm will have sharp edges, and there are no soft spots to cushion you, only small places you might hide.

I may not be the person that you met, nor the person that you have precieved me to be. I am not all lightness and flowers. There is a dark side to me that you must be willing to embrace.There is a nasty twisted bitch that resides within my soul. She is the blackness that does creep when I start to follow the crazy path to hell.

There are so many facets of me, and not all are defined by the illness I carry. And carry it I do for it is a burden; a yoke around my neck. There is no telling when it will hit. And as I have come to realize, I cannot even count on my own internal diagnosis to counteract the crazy that I become.

And oh hell no is no one going to tell me that I don’t get crazy. Those platitudes do not fly. I look back with clear eyes, mind and heart, and I wonder how do I have a job still? How do my friends still love me? How is it that my brother and mom have not kissed me goodbye? I am so psycho, so unbalanced that I cannot see the sunrise from the sunset.

So as I begin to mend, the medication leveling out my brain, I tease and I taunt. I whiplash you with my tongue to ensure that you can take. And I may find you lacking, I may find that you just to do not stand up to par…..The Crazy, The Me, The Sadness, The Anger, The Regret and all the pain…..they are a part of me here on display.

 

Making me Yours

You draw a finger along the shape of my cheek,

cupping my face with tender hands

Breathing deeply the scent that I wear

your lips barely touching mine.

I desire, I want, I need.

You back me to the wall, using your presence as a barrier

and I groan with desire.

You capture my mouth in yours, possessing me

claiming what you want, what you desire, what you have earned.

Knees shake unable to support me

as I collapse into your arms.

You carry me forward and drop me on the bed

as I watch from lidded eyes.

There is no explanation required;

as you drop down next to me.

All we have is this time, this now

take me and make me yours.

 

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

March 16/17

I knew you were trouble….

I should have know, when you walked in the door

that tonight was going to be different.

You gathered me in your arms and held me so tight

whispering in my ear.

‘Baby I am sorry, it was out of my control’

I know that within the logic of my brain

but with the need comes desire and it must be fed.

I loose myself in your warm embrace, feeling safe and secure

you lips meet mine, possessing, devouring

Taking what is yours.

I should have known when we first did meet

that you were going to be trouble

But I set that aside and gave myself over,

to the feelings and the desires.

I writhed beneath your hands, your body

for you consumed me with your heat

and right than and there, I knew you were going to be trouble

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

March 16/17