When T was little, well littler than he is now and at 8 he is fast becoming not so little, he use to do things that I found to be rather embarrassing. Yelling in the store that he had to poop or giggling like a maniac because he just farted. All the things that little boys do to turn their mother’s faces red and wishing that the floor would open up and suck you into the depths. Let someone else claim this child as their monster.
Fast forward to a time when he is not even a teenager yet and the tables have turned.
I suppose that I could have kept quiet about this incident. However it is a cute story and the truth is it is just as embarrassing for me as it is for T. For it either means that I have ears that are full of wax despite my cleaning them all the time or I am going deaf. In this instance I would hope deafness would account for this misunderstanding.
On Tuesday T had to go to his dad’s because our sitter had a funeral. I was able to leave work a half hour early otherwise the drive to and from his dad’s takes 40 minutes and we would not have been home until close to 7 p.m. As we are driving along T is full of energy and happy yammering away to me about school and the things he learned when all of a sudden out of the blue I hear:
‘Mom I know what causes the most animal sex.’
I am on the highway doing 100 kms and I cannot take my eyes from the road. But I am slightly horrified as although we have discussed sex and baby making in humans in a general way, we have not discusses animal sex. Nor am I about to. I glance over at him out of the corner of my eye and he seems to be not traumatized or disgusted but pleased with himself.
‘Buddy what did you just say?’
‘I know what causes the most animal sex!’
Now I am really flustered.
‘You know what causes the most animal sex?’
He looks over at me his eyes big and round. A look of absolute disgust on his face as though he cannot believe that I would dare to say this to him. Hello, this is your mother here I always am hearing things wrong!
‘Mom, I said, I know what causes the most accidents!’
The two of us than shared a maniacal giggle as only mother and son can. We are strange ducks and admit it. And T is a great makerer upper of facts. In the summer he and mom had packed up my sandals so I wore my slippers to drive in. He informed me that 75% of all accidents (not animal sex) are caused by people who are wearing their slippers to drive. It sounded good, he could have fooled anyone with that one.
Just an FYI the following list is the cause of most accidents according to T:
- Drinking
- Texting
- Bad Brakes
- Deer
- Ice on the road.
Needless to say, he is brighter than I was at age 8. I was only concerned with dolls and books. Never had a concern about what was real. I lived in a world of fantasy and play. T while he does play cars and Minecraft and other video games, is a realist. And I am okay with that, we compliment each other. However, I really wish he would quit making up facts that sound real so I don’t look like a dumb ass when I repeat them.
The Wonderful and Wacky World of One Single Mom 