Colorless

They are all jumbled in there,
these mad emotions
defining my existence
from birth to death,
and all the years in between.
As a child I danced with butterflies
lived as elves did
in cities hidden within the treetops
where no harm could befall me.
As a teen I rode the tempest,
with lightening crashing
and thunder roaring,
becoming lost and broken
building a wall brick by brick
so none may hurt me.
In the first blush of adulthood
the dreams and wishes
still so poignant
and within reach.
Willing my heart to heal.
Willing to learn to love again.
Sands pass slowly through the hourglass
each second a million years of mine
as I live each possible life,
each possible love,
each possible fear.
I have cried and shrieked.
I have loved and laughed.
I have held death in the palm of my hand
only to become cradled in his arms.
Torn apart by mad love
Repaired by gentle love
Insanity breeding in my veins
sanity bleeding into my dreams.
Mad emotions
jumbled here and there
woven within the fabric of my being,
without them I would be colorless.
Jay-lyn Doerksen
December 16/17