Scorecard

***Picture found on Internet feeling a little lighthearted 🙂

I figured that I should take a look at this week and see how things have been. I mean yes, I know that emotionally I have been all over the map. Some days I feel like I have two faces, a smiling I am doing ok face and the one that has tears leaking from its eyes.

This has been a rougher week.

I am not eating right because I do not have the oomph to get up and make something. I have been making an effort, but not the same as when I am in an ‘up’ mood. Yogurt, toast, oatmeal and salad. Fish and pork tenderloin. So I am putting nutrients into my body.

The apartment as I mentioned before is beginning to look at little disastrous. It is begin to nibble at the edges of my consciousness but not enough so that I am going to clean. However, I am having coffee with V and she is bringing her son with her on Tuesday. I will have to clean before than, only because I would be embarrassed to have V see the apartment looking like this.  Also, I have only been scooping the cat litter every other day. I use to be diligent in scooping daily. (I have two cats and three litter boxes) All of these are small indicators that the week was not that terrific.

Than, the feeling of sadness that I could not explain that permeated me from Thursday to Friday night. I cried a lot over those 24/36 hours. That was a treat and a half. My eyes, by the time I went to bed last night, ached from crying and were swollen. However, the bonus was that I could finally use my nose to actually breathe through.

Today I am good.

I have energy.

I want to go for a walk.

I have done a load of laundry and put it in the dryer.

I made my bed.

I have eaten a slice of toast.

I have a bad habit of looking at these good days and waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for the inevitable downswing of emotions that I have. I ruin them by feeling guilty and hearing that voice wondering why I am home. I do that to myself.

Today, I am going to change that. We all know that it is not going to be an easy habit to break. It is human nature to count up all our goods and wonder what bad will even it out. But that is not the way life works. There are no scorecards in life, with checks and balances for good and bad days.

Today I am allowing myself to enjoy my upswing. I will take advantage of it while I can, without going overboard. And I am going to throw away the scorecard I have been keeping.