Ownership

I use to pride myself on not being a liar. That I always told the truth. But I realize that I don’t. I realize that a lot of the times I say what people want to hear rather that what I actually think. Why are we  programmed to hide our thoughts and feelings?
I was going through an old notebook and found some items that I wrote. It appears to be a list of some sort defining my beliefs on certain emotions and behaviour.
Never Lie: To lie means I am scared of the reaction of others. Yet when I lie, it will snowball rapidly until I am found out.
To lie is to give false comfort.
If I start lying to others, it makes it easier to lie to myself. I need to be honest when I look in the mirror.
Confidence: The belief in oneself. To acknowledge that I am good. I do not need to go out of my way to showcase my talents and abilities. They can speak for themself.  Whether at work or in my private life.
Toxic People: People who try to tear me down, make me disbelieve myself. People who make it all about themselves. These are people that I need to avoid. I do not need to allow them any access to my life or inner self. I protect myself.
Forgiveness: The ability to let go of past hurts. I carried mine around, extra baggage that needed to be looked at, examined and put away. I need to forgive myself for being so harsh. For the abuse I put my body through. I need to forgive myself for ignoring the voice that was screaming in my head for so long.
Trust: in this list I found I defined trust as allowing someone into my life and hold nothing back from them.
I feel that trust for me is now different. I am not sure how though.
Betrayl: in this list I defined betrayl as making a promise and than not following through on it. Thus breaking the trust between myself and the other person. There can be no friendship once a  betrayl occurs.
Friendship: Friendship is a two way street, each giving and receiving. There needs to be trust, faith and no fear that I am going to be judged when I really need to reach out. When there are problems (real or perceived) an open discourse must take place to enable the lines of communication to remain open.
I am not sure what I was going through at the time. I do not even know when I wrote this list out. Yet it is even more relevant to me now. Within this journey I am on, I need to redesign the way I view things. I need to make myself responsible for my thoughts and emotions. I need to take ownership.

Author: Jay-lyn Doerksen

A single hard working mom of a soon to be teenage son. A poet and story teller I have wanted to write since I was a child. This space is where I share stories about myself and my life and the creative poetry that stirs my soul. My hope is you will pull up a chair and a cup of coffee delving into the world that I offer and you find simple enjoyment for a few moments. Welcome to The Wonderful & Wacky World of One Single Mom

2 thoughts on “Ownership”

  1. I’ve had to shift thinking like this a number of times. My biggest take responsibility was quitting my job of 17 years. I had reasons for not leaving for the last 3-4 years. Most good reasons. But as my dislike for the job grew, the importance of them faded until one day I woke up and realised they had become excuses. I quit my job that week. I had no other job to go to, I had a catastrophic year and a half (still going) that followed. But I don’t regret leaving. Lies and excuses. Blah. Gotta take charge and ownership.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. This really is like a brand new life I am moving towards and I never thought that I would. My wings are unfurling and I am looking to soar through the air. A little poetic but I am feeling amazing.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

coolpeppermint

memories and musings

The Hermit Poet's Ramblings

Poetry BLOG By Edge of Humanity Magazine

sjbutlerphotography.wordpress.com/

Nature Photography & Fine Art, card & print making

utahan15

poetry and prose

THE PRODIGY OF IDEAS

This blog is a part of my inner world. Be careful to walk inside it.

Trust Me, You’re Not Alone

Being a Mother, an ex. Wife, and the best I can be

mydangblog

Come for the laughs, stay for the lunacy

Here

Nowhere else

Ανθολογία-Anthology-Anthologie

Γιάννης Πιταροκοίλης: Παρουσίαση του συγγραφικού μου έργου (My personal writing/Mes œuvres littéraires

Village Princess💕

I write what I dream

Eloquently Whole

soft and powerful

OverFiftyandFreeWomanBlog

Life, work, kids, sex, BDSM and anything else

Ailish Sinclair

Stories and photos from Scotland

Ravenful Post

Designed By Creativity

The Alchemist's Studio

Raku pottery, vases, and gifts

Pensieri Parole e Poesie

Sono una donna libera. Nel mio blog farete un viaggio lungo e profondo nei pensieri della mente del cuore e dell anima.

%d bloggers like this: