Shit Happens

I stumbled across this blog a few months back and loved it. It has some adult only content and discusses things that tend to only relate to women. Today she posted a new blog that fits with my own new perspective. How all it takes is a shift in thinking and counting your blessing for bad to go to good.

Misadventures at 30 something

Wow. What a shit week this has been. Fuck, it’s only Tuesday. Migraine from hell since yesterday afternoon. Busy work schedule. And a crazy household to attend to.

Tonight, my eldest is stressing me over getting a car. She just got her license a week and a half ago. Then, before bed time, my youngest broke their TV. It was an accident and I really kept my cool. I’ve learned not to sweat shit like that.

It gave me time to sit with him and calmly explain how it could have been avoided and that it would be months before I could afford a new one. We had a nice chat about how accidents happen and I am not mad. I wouldn’t beat him over an accident. He clearly had no malicious intent.

It also gave me the opportunity to explain to my older son why he shouldn’t yell at…

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All about the Cats

Just so you guys know, I did not slack today and went for a wonderful walk. It was sunny, a little cool until I started to do my brisk walk around the park. I did not make sure that my camera on the phone had been switched to forward facing and with the sun I could not determine if it had been or not. So I went on a wing and a prayer taking some photos that I thought were cool. Than we got home. I opened the gallery to play around with these wonderful shots only to discover that all the photos were of my forehead. Yep, my forehead. Nothing special or great about it other than it is a big forehead and close ups in pictures reveal it to not be right for my photos. So I decided I would share my pics of the cats. Lucky is the grey fluffy one and Thomas is the one peering over my shoulder in the above picture.

You May Assume

What can I say? Beautifully written and eloquently put that life is never as bad as we think that it is. That our strength comes not from what we have failed to do but in all that makes us special and willing to fight for our peace of mind.

*UNBREAKABLE QUEEN'S LIFE LESSONS DIARY*

EVEN when you think you are invisible the earth still has your footprints embedded in the soil.

YOUMAY think your cries are the only echoes that others around you hear but your laughter echoes are much more louder which over powers the sound of your cries.

YOU MAY think no one will miss your smile but you forget that one smile from you can not only light up a room but can also inspire others to smile due to the fact that your smiles are contagious.

YOU MAY assume your existence serves no purpose but every time life knocks you down with all the strength it has…meanwhile each time you rise back up you do so with vengeance.

YOU MAY assume you are not strong enough but look back & remember how many times you prove everybody wrong by beating the odds.

YOU MAY assume giving up is…

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Supermom

I was messaging with a friend this morning who is suffering from a migraine. She has had it since yesterday morning and still went into work and accomplished a full day. Last night it was at a point where she was considering going to get something stronger from the hospital to help her manage the pain. But like a lot of people that I know (myself included) she pushed through it, ignoring the brutal throbbing in her head. After a full day she went home and made dinner for her children and got ready for today.
We spoke for a little while last evening and she did manage to lay down for a bit but that did nothing to ease the pain. I am assuming that she thought that this morning it would either be gone or have subsided.
Fast forward to my waking up at 3:58 a.m. and ready to start my day. I made myself coffee and as it brewed sat on the couch sending my good morning texts and gif’s to my circle. I do this every day for those of you who may not have read the previous blog. Well within minutes of sending the good morning gif to her, my friend was messaging. She feels awful. Her neck and back and shoulders are all stiff. Her head is not any better. Maybe on the way to work she will stop at urgent care for something.
First I suggested that she take the day off and allow herself the time needed to get through this migraine. Well nope that was not going to work because she could not afford to miss a day of work. I did point out to her that only a few months ago she was getting by just fine on less, one day would not make or break her. She agreed but than messaged back ‘But Jay, as single moms we have to work.’  First I asked her who she sounded like right there? And than I sent her a message saying that I had something really important to tell her so I was sending it all in capital letters, not yelling at her. I am going to put it here word for word in capital letters because this is something that all mothers not just single moms need to hear/read and realize:
IF AS (SINGLE) MOTHERS WE DO NOT TEND TO OUR PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL/MENTAL WELLBEING FIRST WE ARE ABSOLUTELY NO USE TO THOSE AROUND US. (I copied it word for word although I added in the mental for this post.)
Really what use are we? Cringing in pain. Near tears. Short tempered with our children and loved ones. We are useless. I am worried that working in front of a computer will only exacerbate her pain. And finally because she has told me her boss is a fairly decent guy I said he would not have any issues and if he did the Wicked Witch of the North (a.k.a. me) would fly down on her broom and have words with him. Takes too long to drive and besides my passport has lapsed so broom it will have to be. And she said that he most definitely would have a problem.
This lead to me thinking about the differences between a boss and a leader. When one works their butt off, getting everything reorganized and up to date, fixing the errors of others, a leader will see the benefits in allowing a worker to stay home to recuperate. They realize one day in the grand scheme of things is better than having them end up taking off a week or more if the illness continues. . But if he/she makes you feel guilt, as though you must come in when you are clearly ill and/or in pain that does not a good leader make. Making people overextend themselves and push through illness/pain is the sign of someone lacking in compassion and empathy.
Bosses who lack in compassion and empathy, they are people who are looking at the bottom line and not putting their employees well being first. Happy employees are efficent employees and generally long term employees who can be counted on to be reliable and willing to work hard at their position.
I use to be that boss. I myself would push through illness or a bout of depression because my bosses have made me feel that I needed to be there. That it was my responsibility come hell or highwater to make my shift and do a good job. This despite having six to seven supervisors on my team who could easily cover for me. So when my staff would call in sick I would get a little tense and snappish about it. (I do have a policy that staff are can call in 3 hours before their shift if feeling under the weather. I have had people try to call me at 7 a.m. for a shift at 6 p.m. and ask them to call back because sleep sometimes does wonders.)
Now though, and I started doing this prior to my latest bout of depression, I do not sweat it when someone calls in sick. I have more than enough people who can and want to pick up extra shifts. If they are scheduled to work the next day, I will call and check on them. Urging them to stay at home if they still are feeling under the weather. I do not want to be that person that is considered callous and insensitive. And reality is all it took was a simple shift in how I thought and priorities. Happier staff I have discovered leads to more productivity and people who want to do a good job for you.
As moms I think our focus is generally outside of ourselves. Children. Parents. Spouses. Friends. Being a good employee. We fall through the cracks because we believe that we are Supermom and can manage everything and anything.  Truth is even Supermom can be felled by the flu or a cold or an injury. The list goes on and on. We need to learn how to take the time to recuperate. There is no one else who will insist on in.