Blow it!!

T has been feeling a little under the weather for the last couple of days.

Runny nose. The right side of his neck (throat) hurts when he swallows. A headache. Pain in the sinus area.

Like all moms I have been harassing him non-stop to blow his nose. He refuses because ‘Mom it never helps!’ It does if you do it more than once.

Yesterday morning there were tears. T was feeling the stuffy nose, the sore throat, he did not want to go for his eye appointment.

I was sitting on the couch having my coffee when he comes out into the living room and plops down on the couch next to me. He looks over at me and says:

‘Mom I can smell now! My nose is okay.’

‘Wow what happened? Did you blow it?’

He looks at me all squinty eyed not impressed with me in the least.

‘Are you being sarcastic mom?’

‘Me never!’

‘You know you really are not funny.’ I was standing in front of him laughing away.

‘Maybe not to you but all the other moms out there are going to find this hilarious. Just blow your nose when I tell you to and this will not be a problem.’

Needless to say as I chortled away T sat with his arms crossed staring at me with that look. Which only made me laugh more.

Sunshine Blogger Awards

Recently I was lucky enough to be nominated for the Sunshine Blogger Award not once, not twice but three times in one day.  I am mentioning each one and answering one question from each.

mentallynotreyt96

What small thing makes you smile?

When I am able to help my friends. To offer my own experiences not to say do it this way but to say this is what helped me, and leave it at that. I care so much about my friends and family that I always wish that I could wave a magic wand and make all their problems disappear.

mburablog

What or who is your spirit animal?

Wolves are my spirit animal. They are very family orientated. They are strong and protective. Never mind that I find their howls soothing. My text message notification sound is a wolf howl.

elizareasontolive

What is a piece of advise that you would give someone who is struggling?

To please reach out and talk to someone. Whether family, friends or even a stranger (such as a help line) reach out. As trite as this sounds, it will get better. I have struggled with depression, I have struggled with life and yet I have always found that if I talk about it I can better put it into perspective. Or write. Writing has saved my life more times than I can count. Pouring out the feelings onto the page seems to purge them allowing me to move forward.

I love all three of these ladies and their writings. If you get a chance please do check them out. I have interacted with all three and they are brilliant young women I have been lucky to find within the blogging community. And I thank them for their nominations.

I chose to answer one question from all three as opposed to 33 questions in total. That would be a lot of reading and I truly am not that interesting. LOL

Again thank you ladies, you have honored me with your nomination. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.

Not in her Shadow

***Originally I was going to write about gratitude. But as usual what I assume/think I am going to write about ends up changing.***
I am my very own worst enemy. Forever I am telling myself why I cannot do things. I have an idea. I want to write about my journey through depression. It will be filled with my own brand of quirky writing and some of my blog posts and poetry. I have gotten as far as writing the introduction to myself. I have ideas but I am not sure how to implement them. Little bits and pieces float around in my brain and yet I am unable to bring myself to actually begin to write. Why? Because I keep stopping myself.
Both Grateful Single Moms and Claire S. had posts this morning that basically kicked me in the ass. Once more the universe is telling me to get my shit together. And if I don’t do it, I am going to miss my opportunity. So why am I so scared to begin? What do I have to lose? If I do not do this I am going to spend the rest of my life regretting it. If I do, an entire world will open before me. Yet I am still hesitant.
Today DD and me were talking about kids and how they can feel like they are in the shadows of their siblings. That they feel they will never come out from there, finding their own niche. My response was that I never had to contend with that, baby bro is 7 years younger than me and male. I mean he has payed me the biggest compliments twice in my life. Once when in junior high he found my atroctious first novel, changed the cover page and tried to hand the work in as his own. It was over 200 pages long of the worst drivel imaginable. Although he was looking for an easy out on an english assignment he still chose my work. And than this year, he told me I was talented. I don’t think he realized how much that meant to me. (I am crying as I write this.)
Than I thought about it and I do have a shadow that I have always felt I have been in. My mom is an amazing woman. I know I have written that like a thousand times and I will write it a thousand more. I can never be as kind, helpful, nonjudgemental and wonderful as she is. She coped with being divorced in the 1980’s. She coped with two children who as teenagers were selfish little snots who caused her so much hurt and pain. She found her dream and went for it. 1999 she retired and moved down to Mexico. For a couple of years she sort of floated around not sure what to do. The original plan was to open a beachside clinic as she is a trained nurse. Yet the more she looked around mom realized that the need was to help the families that lived in poverty around her.
Mom decided that she needed to give back to the community that had welcomed her. She set out to and created a foodbank. Mom travels to meet families in need to determine if they are eligible for assistance. She began a prenatal program for pregnant women. She developed programs within the school and has psychology students going in and working with the kids for free. (I maybe a little off on some of this in regards to the programs developed) She plans and co-ordinates the fund raising.
Clothing is donated for men, women and children. There are cruise ships that stop there and there are so many people who have been in touch with her and bring down school supplies and toiletries. Many people who visit her bring down a suitcase full of humanitarian aid. My mom is an amazing and selfless woman. And I know that I am not in her shadow nor do I need to fill her shoes. Yet subconsciously I think that I am not able to live up to her. An interview done on her several years ago called her the St. Sharon of Chixchulub. She will be the first to dispute this title. I am so proud that she is my mom and all the things that she has accompllished. And I am afraid that I am going to fall short.
Please do not think that in any way shape or form, has mom done anything to deter me. Not once has she insisted that I do things her way. Well she really wanted me to attend University but that was not in the cards for me. I did not have the desire to attend more classes. Maybe if I had been smart and gone into a writing program I would have perservered. Or not. Maybe the life that I have lead has brought me to this point. I know that she is proud of me and wants me to live the best life that I can for me. And I need to believe that. I need to believe in myself.
I have written that before . Goodness but my post is a lot of repetition today.
I do not know why I still doubt myself. Why I can talk to others and help them with their problems or issues and yet am unable to deal as effectively with my own. Every time that I start to talk about belief, all I can hear is Eminem singing ‘Believe’ in my head. Not the enitre song but just when he says ‘Believe’ in the chorus. As though even he is telling me to believe in myself.
I began this post saying it would be about what I am grateful for and yet it has turned into another one of my wandering stories. Covering everything and nothing. Yet I learned something within these words. I am going to end this post with one thing that I am grateful for.
I am grateful for my mom. She has shown me the discipline to reach for my dreams. She has shown me that anything I want is possible. She is my mom. And I love her so.
P.S. Mom is going to be horrified by all of this. Most likely will feel an inkling of guilt. I will get a letter or call later in which she will tell me that I am not in her shadow and I do not need to compare myself to her. That I am a wonderful woman in my own right. And she is right. But she is the woman that I look up to the most so inevitably I am going to compare myself to her. I love you mom.
P.P.S. This is the link to the article about mom written in 2012 if you would like to learn more.