Indifference

Some days will hurt more than others
with an indescribable pain
when tears free fall like diamond drops
hot and fast
salt on my cheeks
scalding my lips
like your kiss.
Drip drip drip
from my chin to the floor
head bowed beneath the misery
pulled tight with each heartbreak
screams muffled by the pillow
lip bitten to keep me silent
so that I cause you no dismay.
I keep it all hidden
I keep it locked away
I keep it in my heart
I keep it from your eyes.
I want not to cause you pain.
Sorrow you have given me
not with malicious intent
but with indifference.
Indifference to my love
to the words that I speak
indifference to the hand I hold out
an offering for you to keep.
Never doubt
my heart does bleed
emotions taut
love
my love
I shall speak of no more.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
April 29/18

Believe

Coffee wafts through the air
senses becoming alert
no time to feel despair
no time to stop and relate
life is such a busy state
never a chance to recall
the missed times of childhood late.
Love
Misery
Divorce
Life
Reboot
Recall
Re-love?
Sunshine and swing sets
parks and long walks
children laughing
corn fattening
this is what memories play.
Work
Bills
Lawyers
Alcohol
Drugs
Fall
Get up
Give up
Come clean
Reconnect
Re-dream?
Cabin in the summer rain
war played on the carpet
memories that do explain
all about happiness.
I am not as lost as I feel to be
I am not as unfounded
ungrounded as I view myself. 
Within me lays the strength of the Titans
Within me lays the power to be
Within me lays the well of hope
all I need to do is believe. 
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
April 29/18