He kills me……

So this morning, not a good morning for T and me. There was a bit of attitude. There was a bit of a smart mouth. There was a bit of threatening to take away the fishing trip next Thursday and Friday. After all it is my week, I can put my foot down.

Not sure why T thought he could act as he did this morning and there not be any repercussions. I am so tired of it. Tired of cajoling. Tired of threatening. Tired of having to be the mean parent. And that is what I am, the mean parent who puts her foot down so he can become a reasonable adult.

I finally had had enough of it. I was so annoyed with him that I pulled out a line that my own mom used ‘I love you but right now I really do not like you at all.’  He stared at me and said that if I loved him I had to like him too. I assured him that I did not. That I was so sick and tired of listening to him backtalk and be sassy. I deserve to be respected.

When he left for school he gave me a hug and kiss. Told me that he loved me. I locked the door behind him only to have him knock on it a few seconds later. It was cold out and he wanted his sweater. I took the time to adjust his backpack straps and again sent him on his way.

I felt horrible after he left. I do not want to be a bitch all the time. I do not want to always be telling him that he has a smart mouth. That he needs to respect me. I wish and as mom also use to say ‘if wishes were horses beggers would ride’ that it would be easy. But it is never easy raising a child alone. No matter the fact that I have the Ex who is suppose to be helping but he chooses to be a friend more so than a parent. I see that and I know that.

This whole post is suppose to be about laughter.  Yet it is more of a dark depressing post.

T and me for the most part, do have a good time together. We laugh a lot. He tells me the corniest jokes ever. And I snort at them while trying not to. He gets my silly sense of humor because his is much like my own. I read him Little Fears when it makes me snort giggle or go pshaw and he chortles along with me.

The picture I chose is from yesterday. He is doing a Fortnite dance for me. Wearing his shorts that had only moments before been pulled up to his armpits. Due to his growth I bought him men’s small on the weekend. And I was giggling away while also trying to maintain a straight face because he was suppose to be getting ready for school. That is what our mornings are suppose to be like. Him telling me stupid jokes and us laughing together.

What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? 

Banananana Banananana (Every time that he tells me that one I groan and laugh at the same time.)

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Author: Jay-lyn Doerksen

I am a single hard working mom in her 40's. I have always written poetry and I love words. I live with depression and its ups downs. This is a space where I can create and write all that I need to.

13 thoughts on “He kills me……”

  1. Nice piece of work. The emotion in this writing is remarkable. You expressed a certain feeling perfectly with every word and letter. I enjoyed reading it. What a way to start my day. I hope you could follow my blog page, maybe you’ll be inspired too. Cheers! 👏

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  2. It is never easy being a single parent and often I felt the same way. All I was doing was saying “no” and being seen as the “baddie.” But it turned out ok and you have to keep your focus on what you want too achieve with T. You do deserve respect and co-operation and he will learn that eventually. In the meantime, enjoy the groaners and chuckles and fun that you do have.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. They’ll be ups & downs along the way. But it’s the ups you’ll both remember & cherish. Hopefully you’ll be able to laugh about the downs as well! Sounds like you’ve got a great relationship so you’ll get through it all… X

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I fecking love his joke!! Girl I was raised by a single mum and she often said to me “I love you but I don’t love what you do”. You do your bloody best and angels can do no better. You got him this far and you’re obviously doing a fab job..he’s a cracker. Keep the head up and good on ya for blogging about it, there’s a bunch of us egging you on xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. 😂😂😂😂That is just the one I can remember. My mom was a single mom too. Wonder if there is something in that? He has started to say I cannot blog about certain things and I have told him he doesn’t get a choice our life is fodder for my writing good bad or ugly. 🙉🙉 Thank you for the punch in the shoulder.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I kinda don’t count myself as a single mum cos my daughter’s dad loves her, sees her and chips in so I honestly can’t complain. But I was raised by women and I raise my bird the same way I was brought up. Not to quote my mum too much but: “I was a Kate before you came along and I’ll be a Kate long after you leave the nest”, it’s only now I know what she meant if u know what I mean

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