Sad so Sad…….

I am not exactly sure what is going on with me. At first I thought that I was morose. Than I looked up the definition and no that is not me. All I can say is I am feeling a little off. And it has not just been one day, no this has been going on since Monday.

Monday I slept in as late as I could before getting up and getting ready for work. I worked at 8 so what I really did was skip the workout, breakfast and coffee. So let’s put my mood down to that.

Tuesday. I got up at 5. Worked out, was ready to go before I even woke T up at 7. Yet still the feeling prevails.

I know something is off because truthfully, I am not my fun loving bubbly self at all. I can barely muster the energy to talk to customers at work.

I thought that as Monday and Tuesday were grey gloomy rain days, that that was all it was. I mean, T and me we fought again yesterday morning but now, I shrug my shoulders and lock myself in my bedroom. It was my fault for his shoes being wet as I made him walk home in the rain on Monday. Yep, evil mom that I am he had to walk home in the rain.

I can look for every excuse but there are none. I cannot explain what this feeling is other than off. I want to weep. I want to lay here cuddling my pillow and sob. But why? That my friends is the elusive question. I have no reason to be feeling down or sad. Work is great. My friends are great. T, well T is T. He is good when he wants to be and no so good when he doesn’t want to be.

My poetry is going well. I have no complaints there.

I want to cry. I want to be held while I cry. For no real reason but that I need to cry. Long hard sobs where I am gasping for breath and unable to speak. I do not know what is causing this giant hole I just know that I feel it and it is there.

I do not want to fall down the rabbit hole. I want to get back to the me I have been for the last while. I am sad. I am going to go and lock myself in my room and cry. I am sorry for being so depressive this evening when of late I have been on cloud 9. Hoping that this will pass soon.

 

Author: Jay-lyn Doerksen

I am a single hard working mom in her 40's. I have always written poetry and I love words. I live with depression and its ups downs. This is a space where I can create and write all that I need to.

26 thoughts on “Sad so Sad…….”

  1. You are so strong. You ae beautiful and going to be okay. I was 4 years and I am diagnosed with severe anxiety, severe depression, and borderline personality disorder. I knw and understand what you are going through. If you ever feel like this again or continuously… Please don’t hesitate to ever message me or to reach out to me. I am your friend and will be happy to talk with you.

    Would you mind checking out my blog please and maybe a possible follow for a follow?

    Have a good day.
    -a friend❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello Jay-lyn. I understand what you are going through, it is something that many of us have experienced, an invasion of sudden sadness. If I may ask, do you believe in God? God loves us and is always looking to instil true happiness ​in our lives. Here is something you should try: find a quiet space free from distractions, imagine that Jesus is right there in front of you, talk to him the way you will with a close friend, tell him how you feel. Beware of sudden distractions when you pray, this is a trick from the devil to stop people from having focused prayers. You might also get the feeling that God is not there or that God is not listening, this is another trick that the devil uses to discourage people from praying, do not fall for it. God is there with you and is always willing to listen to you, so offload everything you feel to him. When you get the answers to your prayers, do not forget to thank God. Also try to maintain a relationship with him, keep telling him about how you feel and keep finding out about him, this way he can remain in your life and pour out immense blessings. Good luck and God bless.

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  3. Are you feeling any better today? Sometimes we all just need to cry…even for no reason!
    Take a minute to do a gratitude entry in a journal and list things you are grateful for. It releases chemicals into your brain that creates happiness.
    You are:
    Loved
    Needed
    Beautiful
    Artistic
    Write great poetry

    ❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. It appears I also forgot that if I write it down it is sent out and I start to perk. Although this morning started off shaky I am moving towards that awesome feeling I prefer over my gloomy gus feeling. Your words are very appreciated. 💖💖☺

      Like

  4. You might be missing someone you don’t know or that pillow needs to turn into your crush 🙂 i am a hopeful (not hopeless) romantic, hence the hint… Tsk…tsk

    Liked by 1 person

      1. No harm in trying to visit your nearest bar or maybe an anonymous chat with someone on online dating apps. This world is full of possibilities for the explorer.

        Liked by 1 person

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