Nothingness

Tears seep

tracing the curve of my cheek

trailing

salty kisses on my lips

pondering

why I feel this way?

Nothing wrong

no sense of impending doom

imagination

spiraling out of control

when I know

I may have pushed too far?

Overstepping

infamous for I am

reading too much

into too little

building my fairy tales

only to knock them down.

Self destruction.

I am not crazy.

I am not insane

even though I portray myself this way.

Easier to hide

behind a sinister mask

than brimming with bright smiles

allowing the hurt

to become a dull throb

one I cannot placate.

Never crumble

never fall

ideas ingrained in my mind

not worth it

undeserving

voices playing over and over again.

Happiness

ever fleeting

skims through my life

touching lightly

only to bounce off

leaving me bereft

clutching at faded memories

of time we spent.

Hopelessness

sadness

raging pain

loss

fear

the emotions I live with

every day.

Does it get better?

Does it ever end?

This feeling of……

nothingness.

©Jay-lyn Doerkson

July 8/18