Muse (Yet another Love Poem)

I suddenly realized
oh shit
you have sunk your teeth
into my neck
licking at my wounds.
I seriously do not get it
I was so far removed
but you….
you
make me smile
make me cry
(not in the bad way)
make me realize
just what it means to be loved.
I long for you
your arms around
but oh my god
I know what an explosion it will be
when we come together.
Baby
you have sealed the rift
the one that shook my soul
you told me you loved me
expecting nothing in return.
I have told you my secrets
I have shown you my soul
and what did you do?
Wrapped your arms around
holding me secure.
You scare me.
The intensity of what I feel
knocks me to my knees
what you have shown me
honestly
has taken me by surprise.
You accept me.
Not the ‘me‘ that I portray
to the world at large
the smiling
happy
always on woman
who knows how to make them feel special.
You see…
the angst
the darkness
holding me tight
wrapped within your embrace
knowing I am safe.
Always…..
I know
you are there for me
when I need it most
not turning away
fighting for my heart.
Baby
let me tell you
I do fear
six years older
what will happen?
This is my anxiety.
My failure.
I project
I foresee
(although well not well)
a time when you will walk away.
I do not trust
my voice
my soul
my brain
I do not believe
that I am worthy
cherished
treasured
you show me that I am wrong.
Baby
I cannot say
how you have healed me
taught me
loved me
taken me in your arms
you have shown me
the truth of it all.
So strange to say
but you are the poet
and I……
the muse.
Oct. 21/18

Emotional Abuse

I wonder
do you feel regret?
You tore away
eroded
destroyed
my self-esteem
my self-worth
made me feel so less
that I could not see the truth.
I say I am sorry
all the time
preventative measures
for when I do wrong.
Unconditional love
does it really exist?
I am so afraid
for the only love I have known
came with strings attached.
Compliment me
I cannot accept
will turn it aside with
‘a yes but…..’
Terrified
that I once more
will be abandoned
deserted
discarded
I erect walls
that grappling hooks cannot breach.
Emotional abuse….
you made me doubt
you made me fear
you made me worthless.
Today
I take it back.
My reality.
No fear.
For I am worth it.
September 24/18
Photo by Alex Wigan on Unsplash