Untitled Poem #4

Pacing

nails bitten to the quick

waiting

dreading

the words that he will speak.

Heart is racing

can feel the blood in my ears

pounding in my head

I am dizzy

I am aware

I am afraid.

Though I have been flippant

making jokes

deflecting questions

with questions of my own

I have cried

I have screamed

I know that I did this to myself.

Years and years

of abuse

of pills

of anything that would numb

it had to catch up to me eventually.

Truth be told

today is the day

when finally I can admit

to more tears

to more fears

than jokes

and quick witted remarks.

Nov. 5/18

Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash