Untitled Poem #5

A voice
barely a whisper
coming down the line
begging for help
for me to come find her
take her away from the world
she has fallen into.
Angry words
violent outbursts
who was this child before me?
Not mine.
My princess could never have become
a gutter rat
lost in drugs
in desperation
to ease the pain of her past.
I should have been more open
maybe she would have trusted me than
but I chose not to see
not to hear
tears
accusations I could not control.
Walking up the creaking stairs
afraid
what will I find at the top?
Dingy walls
tar streaked
stale smoke permeating the air
I find the door
slight ajar
am not sure I want to know more.
Pushing it open
confronted with……
a face frozen in agony
body wasted
from drugs
abused by men
blood drips
droplets falling from her fingertips
to the floor.
This is my child
who I neglected
drove away
and now
she is nothing but a corpse.
I gather her tiny body
so weightless
against my chest
just as when she was born.
Tears
scalding
fall to her pallid face
as for one more time
I rock my baby
regretting
my pride
my certainty
that I was right.
There has been no winner here
no lessons learned
only pain
crippling
devastating
latching
hooking
into me.
November 6/18
Photo by Nathan Wright on Unsplash

Author: Jay-lyn Doerksen

I am a single hard working mom in her 40's. I have always written poetry and I love words. I live with depression and its ups downs. This is a space where I can create and write all that I need to.

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