Untitled Poem #8

There is a lump in my throat

panic filling my body.

I cannot breathe.

Were you to see me

you would never know

the thoughts rearing through my head.

There was no good morning.

No hello.

No good night.

Immediately that voice

sneering with derision

begins to babble in my ear

how I could have fucked up

between last night

this morning

this afternoon?

Dubious 

(when has it every worked?)

I close my eyes

to erase

to cease

to freeze

the voices inside my head.

Deep breathe.

Neither help

to collapse the pit

forming in my stomach.

Logically

I do know that I am a fool.

Emotionally

the voice hisses

reaping

gorging

breeding

on my fear

my worries

my tears

self-doubt making me crawl

within my own skin.

I remain quiet

not wanting you to know

suffering the dark voices

tears slowly seeping

from the corner of my eyes.

***I originally wrote this September 6/18.

I reworked it today to include the Word of the Day Challenge

Dubious.***

Photo by MMPR on Unsplash