How?

Tell me
how. 
How the hell do you look the other way
no pain in your heart?
I die
small death
every day
missing you
desiring you
down on my  knees
leave me not behind.
When did I become the joke?
The raspy voiced poet
scanning the darkness
swilling tequila
deadening the pain
images unseen
diamonds collected upon lashes
you see 
here I stood.
Hands outstretched
lifeline needed
turn away 
why?
Explain to me 
please.
What the fuck did I do?
Whispered roars
accusations
so untrue
that is what you say.
Another’s hands upon my skin
another man
looking in my eyes 
thrusting inside
while I move beneath him.
So insecure 
how can that be?
 
Time slows
honey dripping from the cone
love making
lasting til dawn’s light
make me not wait
for I shall say good-bye.
Ta-ta baby
why’d you have to go
and play with my heart?
December 31/18