Update December 2018

T has gone for a sleepover at his best bud’s place. I decided that I was going to tackle his room. I mean c’mon the smell in that room was a palpabile. Stand at the doorway and you are choking. Yes this is my fault as I allowed it to get this far. But today was ‘D’ Day. I have been warning T that if he did not do something about that room I was going to. So I did. Have to say am right impressed with myself. 48 minutes to clean it, strip the bed, vacuum and voila. Spray a little Febreze and well I can enjoy the illusion for one day that it will not stink of sweaty feet, grungy hair, garbage not strewn all over the floor. Shhhhhhhhhh allow me this please. Just for a moment. 
 
I started a list of things that I found in T’s room while I was cleaning it.
 
1 roll of toilet paper tied up with a yellow rubber band.
2 1/2 full 2lt Pepsi bottles in his bed.
2 pairs (Mr. I have No Socks) of socks and several loose ones. After doing laundry it has been determined that he has approximately 8 pairs of socks. Like seriously?!?
My camera…..in the basket with all his cars. Cause…….movies mom movies.
1/2 of the cutlery I have been looking for
1/3 of the cups/mugs
and last but not least (I am a bit perturbed by this)
a plastic bag containing:
1 sock. 1 only.
Charger Cord
Magnetic Mirror that mechanics use
Tiny screw driver
 
I have to admit that in the grand scheme of things I have been pretty lucky. Yes T is a bit of a pig in a sty. He is getting there though. The other day he brought his cereal bowl out to the kitchen sink and looking over at me says ‘mom I must be growing.’ I am a little confused (he has the same bad habit that I do…..starting up a conversation on a different conversation that may have been 3 days ago but you know we are a little different T and me.)  ‘Meaning?’ ‘Well I brought my dish out of my room and put it into the sink.’ Oh. So you do something I have been nagging you to do for well forever….but now I am suppose to give you kudos for the one time that you brought out that bowl. Dude, I found half my cutlery drawer in your room. Why do you need that much cutlery? Is this a thing that I need to be concerned with? Is that the new initiation? How much cutlery can you hoard before your mom will brave your room? 
 
The beginning of this week was hard on both  of us. Getting use to the rules that differ from mom to dad’s place. Having to once more explain why he has to be off Fortnight at 9 p.m. Again it has gotten better as the week has progressed. Beginning of the week arguments when suddenly…..Wednesday was it? Yes it was. I was in a bad mood in the morning. And T began off with the lip. I was done. LOL I know how many times have you heard me or any parent say that and mean it? Yes there will be times but not when you are 10. We fought. On the way to school he is sitting arms crossed hostile to the end. We are going through the 20 km zone when I hear this pop. I look over at T and asked if he had just farted. Nothing. Than pop pop pop. And he starts to grin. Begins flapping his hands towards me. Where is a gas mask when you need one? I pulled up to the drop off zone (and let me tell you learning how to use the pick up/drop off lane plus the round about has not been easy) he grabs his bag hops out of the car, looks at me and tells me he loves me than slams the car door shut. Really? I was choking, gagging but this may have been the breaking point. 
 
When I told him it was 9 p.m. I expected a fight. No. He told his friend that he had to get off. He is talking to me on the ride home from the Ex’s. Oh yeah neglected to mention that part. I have no babysitter for T after school so I am relying on the Ex to help me out. Now I can return the favor and T will be spending the night here during his dad’s week. We have laughed a lot. Had to explain to T about what tenacious meant. Also how we have to correct the slightest deviation from known facts. Being literal I believe others call it. And than came the weekend. 
 
Friday night we get home. T does what he has to do and goes into his room. Xbox, Fortnight, ya know kid stuff.  I am sitting on the couch t.v. on in the background as I go through my emails. (Tonight is different. Tonight I am listening to my music on shuffle dancing in my seat and writing.) Suddenly I hear T tell his buddy that he is going to go. He wanted to come and hang out with me. Wait? What? I am sorry but who are you and what have you done with my son? I worry about him. Some might say I am overindulgent with him. Permissive. I am working on that. He has not fussed once about the bedtime hours. He has been doing his chores pretty regularly. I mean yes as we drive home I am asking him what he has to do but he is doing them. 
 
My child is so much like me that I hurt for him. He feels things differently. Hoards those thoughts and feelings until something sets it off and suddenly I am the bad guy. I now understand how my mom must of felt when I would go off on her in anger. I am bewildered. Blink rather rapidly as my brain fast forwards to catch up to what he is screaming at me. It is never what he is screaming it is what I have to dig for. Try as I might to not lose my shit I usually do. There are words. There are tears. Than the real talk begins.
 
Last night was not one of the screaming nights. No last night T made me feel short because he can take stuff off the top of the fridge without standing on tip toes. Also on tiptoe is able to reach where the bandaids are. We laughed. Sometimes 10 year old wisdom is so much better than the advice anyone else can give me. He is pretty astute. We had an amazing evening. T made paper airplanes, a ton of them while we chatted and I read emails. Blogs that I follow. It was nice. 
 
Today he is off for sleepover. I cleaned house. And I have written a chatty blog probably terrifying those who only know me through my poetry. Now I am not sure. The night is mine. The only night that is mine lol I will let it play out as it pleases. 
 
 

Shrieking Shrew

Lies
dripping poison
making me scream
why are you such an ass?
Venom
lick my lips
flick my tongue
watch as you writhe in pain.
No hurt
no tears
no emotions
oh dear
turns out that I know not how to love.
Bloated fears
wicked temper
blood red vision
contemplating the sin.
Shrieking shrew
raging
spewing spittle
became a joke
to you and her.
head bowed in shame
in distaste
not my finest moment
not my finest anything.
I am not the woman
staring out of the mirror at me.
Red eyed Medusa
snakes hissing
striking
poised on the edge
I have become rabid…….
this is not who I am.
December 1/18