Thank You

Battered my shields
rent free
creating a gap to crawl through.
I tried to keep you out.
Scars ripped anew
promises made
no one will hurt you
whispered in my ear
as fear paralyzed my body.
I cannot believe.
You wore me down
demanded that you know all
swore to me
were I to open up
you would not leave
as all the others did.
I opened up.
I gave you my history.
My dreams.
My nightmares.
I laid my soul bare.
I trusted
despite that voice.
The one screaming at me.
Telling me
you were laughing.
All I was…..
a joke.
Woked the hell up
sin danced before
paraded
no love lost
for no love was had
only convenience.
How could you do this?
I am not strong.
I am no Valkyrie.
I am a broken woman.
Pieces scattered
always one missing
never whole
shattered glass
broken hearts
why did I let you in?
Let you open that door
make me feel
make me dance
only to rip the rug out
from beneath my feet.
Spinning
spanning
tell all the tales you need
to assuage your guilt
even as you scream at me.
Demanding I beg
forgiveness
yours to give.
Ummmmmm……..
Well now…..
I am sure
that I had not hand in this.
I did not guide you into her.
I did not stand there
waving a whip.
‘Should ye not perform
I shall strike thee
with this cat o’nines.’
Self deprication.
It tis myself
I should be flaying
for having fallen for gilded tongue.
This blackened carcass
yours to feast upon.
My heart
melts in your mouth
tainting smooth words
no one shall listen.
All they will hear
is my desolate moan
crying out
realizing that the words
not the actions were true.
Fuck you.
Fool
I am
am I.
No one to blame.
My romantic heart
re-locked
re-caged
steel reinforced
wire wrapped around
never to be loosed again.
Thank you for that.
December 1/18
Picture is mine taken Summer of 2017

Author: Jay-lyn Doerksen

A single hard working mom of a soon to be teenage son. A poet and story teller I have wanted to write since I was a child. This space is where I share stories about myself and my life and the creative poetry that stirs my soul. My hope is you will pull up a chair and a cup of coffee delving into the world that I offer and you find simple enjoyment for a few moments. Welcome to The Wonderful & Wacky World of One Single Mom

4 thoughts on “Thank You”

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