Decision

Memories
flood
all I have left
better times
not laced with tears
fears
deception.
I still want you.
I miss you.
I know my worth.
Yet you…
you bring me to my knees.
I would do anything
to feel your lips
your arms
your body pressed to mine.
Friends
stare
incredulous
what the hell?
How can I forget?
How can I not know myself?
Taken by the shoulders
shaken
slap me upside the head
voices battering….
me?
Shutting down.
Wrapped in the corner
arms around
face shuttered
hidden
black shadows dancing
howling
let me hide under the bed.
I want to be.
I want to live.
I want to decide
Do I live?
Do I die?
How do I make this hurt disappear?
Stepping back
find the boundary
set the stakes
you want me
come
crawl
beg
still not sure I should not forgive.
I need to think
I need to decide
another chance
or do I say good-bye?
December 6/18
Picture is my own taken Summer of 2017