Still

Hard for me

this lack of content

our conversations dulled

forgotten

do you miss me 

as I miss you

or do you laugh at me now?

I know you can be cruel.

I know you can be faith.

I know….

what do I know?

Only 

that I want this fight.

I meander forward 

shambling along

lost in 

feelings 

rejections

in reality 

that burns 

that fires

that singes my heart.

Silly woman

don’t you see

game you are

game you will always be.

I should have…. 

well….

I did know better

but you lulled my sensibilities.

You….. 

you took my heart.

A heart that I have kept close

shuttered

you broke open.

Picked the lock 

opened me 

than 

well…..

you walked away.

Fell away

what did I do?

One moment

we were in synch

the next

so far apart.

I live.

I learn.

I love.

This is who I am.

Finally I have realized

it is not I 

who is damaged.

It is not I

who did not do enough.

It is not I….

wait 

yes it is….

commitment I want

love you still

I do.

 

December 15/18