Still

Hard for me
this lack of content
our conversations dulled
forgotten
do you miss me 
as I miss you
or do you laugh at me now?
I know you can be cruel.
I know you can be faith.
I know….
what do I know?
Only 
that I want this fight.
I meander forward 
shambling along
lost in 
feelings 
rejections
in reality 
that burns 
that fires
that singes my heart.
Silly woman
don’t you see
game you are
game you will always be.
I should have…. 
well….
I did know better
but you lulled my sensibilities.
You….. 
you took my heart.
A heart that I have kept close
shuttered
you broke open.
Picked the lock 
opened me 
than 
well…..
you walked away.
Fell away
what did I do?
One moment
we were in synch
the next
so far apart.
I live.
I learn.
I love.
This is who I am.
Finally I have realized
it is not I 
who is damaged.
It is not I
who did not do enough.
It is not I….
wait 
yes it is….
commitment I want
love you still
I do.
 
December 15/18
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