Win/Win

Its kinda hard
these feelings that I have
I play
I pretend
so my friends
they don’t realize.
My heartache.
My pain.
My wicked dreams.
I know
these screams
locked inside my head
these truths that I see
there is no doubt
fool that I be.
On my knees
realizing
knowing
no end
fuck me
like a tether
between my teeth.
Do you understand?
bit between the teeth….
shackled in
shod
pain filled
tears
slow streaks upon the pane.
My
oh my
are you a figment of my dreams?
A broken wish 
made upon a dead star?
Is what you feel
what I feel
a blissful memory?
Or
lost
your what the fuck
my wanna kick your…….
we both got our way.
December 16/18
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