My Loss

It was not until today

that I realized

just how much I miss you.

Your smile

your words

your being

sitting

talking

with me.

You might think

my loss is desire

it is not.

My loss…..

no longer having someone believe in me

no longer having someone who loves me

no longer having someone who will fight for me

no longer having someone who feels like home.

I miss that feeling of happiness.

My bed

though king size

has become so wide

so large

I cannot find the end

the sides.

It has become the size

of three football fields.

The knowing

that someone is thinking of me

not day and night

every so often

I make them smile.

My loss…..

the man who made me smile

the man who made me happy

the man….

who knew my past

who knew my degradation

yet loved me still

despite the grey

the emotional curbs

he found in his way.

I cannot explain

why….

I feel connected.

Why….

I feel a depth.

Why….

I am willing to forgive

despite

all you have done.

You are not the only one

forgiveness should be paid

for too did I

strike out in my way.

I found a way

to rip you bare

using my words

my tongue

to cut you down.

To hate.

To love…..

oh hell

I am on my knees

begging you

please

can we not begin anew?

The ball bounces in your court

the ball it flicks passed me

what more can I do

what more can I say

I still want you.

December 17/18

Picture is one of my own.