My Dream

There are no words

no soothing moments

healing the pain 

scraping free 

fresh flesh

covering the burns.

I am lost.

I no longer know

truth

reality

falsehood

lies

I must rely on the clues

the ones that I read.

So easy to disassemble

to ignore

the pain that we have caused.

Not you

not me

all could have been avoided

had you listened 

had I listened

to words we had spoken.

Am still unsure

how you clicked on that word

how you created a fantasy

from a misunderstanding

but you did.

I never said I would fuck another

I said

he would never give up.

I never gave in.

I was true.

From that first time 

to the last time

I fucked no one my dear

but you.

I opened my heart

I imagined a future

one now destroyed

because 

I think 

you saw what you wanted

what you believed would be done.

Never realizing

I was not a little girl

but a woman

unwilling to play games.

I told you.

I warned you.

I was not willing to play.

I am an adult 

no time for make believe.

I want…..

truth

love

loyalty

in the man I dream of.

 

January 21/19