I need to apologize…..

I need to apologize. For a couple of things.

  1. I have not had the same amount of time lately to get through all the blogs I am following and I feel horrible. I am very busy right now although I am not sure with what and am hoping that things will settle soon. Or I will win the lottery and be able to retire thus freeing up good reading time.
  2. Kristian over at  Tales from the mind of Kristian  nominated me for an award and I have yet to get around to it. Kristian I so appreciate and will get it done by Sunday at the latest.
  3. John over at The Eclectic Contrarian challenged me to write a poem/story based on a picture he shared. This also will be done by Sunday at the latest.

I try my best to read all of you. Some days it is not so easy. I have been a little lethargic and tend to be sleeping in more in the mornings. Part of me wonders if I am in a depression but I am happy. There is no voice in my head telling me no one cares, no one wants to hear my problems. There are no issues at work, I enjoy myself now and interacting with customers. But the small little concerned voice is suggesting that it might be so.

I think part of my problem is that I stay up to ensure that T goes to bed. And after interacting with people all day long, I am exhausted. There is a difference in my normal self and being relaxed chilling at home or with friends, and my work self. Not a one person would believe that I am actually an introvert. At the end of my 8 hours, I need silence. I need to recharge. I need to go to bed earlier.

Also I am dealing with a bit of heartbreak as everyone can see as they read. I fell in love and got burned. Badly. This was the first time that I had opened up to someone about everything about me, since leaving the ex in 2015. So another thing to apologize for is the lamenting brokenhearted poems. (I still am in love with him but that is another post. Maybe)

The one constant in my life, besides reading and catching up on the blogs I follow is my own writing. I have been writing a lot. On different themes. And I am wanting to organize. And eventually publish a collection. And I need to organize all my poetry from the blog. Idiot Jay didn’t bother/think of writing her poetry on Evernote and having a copy on file, did not start to happen until last year. So really I only have 2017’s posts/poetry to go through and I have made a start.

I am meandering all over the place here. As I do, I realize I am not depressed. My girl friends they all have been keeping close tabs on me. I talk to them every day. Even if it is just sending a GIF and they respond with another, they know how I am doing. I know that they would be banging down the door//phone if they thought that there was something wrong.

The being in love thing, that is on hold.

I am going to work really hard at getting myself back on track. By that I mean exercising and eating better. I have fallen off the wagon a little there and it is time to get back up on that horse. LOL I did not do that intentionally.

Thank you for taking  the time to read all my babbling. I bounced here and there covering the thoughts in my head. I will work hard to read at least one of your posts per day. I may not always comment but I am there. Lurking in the background, peering around corners, checking y’all out. . (As if that doesn’t give you the creeps.)

 

Author: Jay-lyn Doerksen

I am a single hard working mom in her 40's. I have always written poetry and I love words. I live with depression and its ups downs. This is a space where I can create and write all that I need to.

39 thoughts on “I need to apologize…..”

      1. Lol!!! I’m picking on you! I like how Canadians speak. They pronounce house sometimes like hoose and out like oot. Told you I’m weird lol!!

        Like

  1. Jay, life happens! As far as my story challenge is concerned, please take your time! It’s not mandatory and I wouldn’t hold it against you if you finally got to it this time next year. I hope you know me well enough by now to know I’m not a very serious guy! And I thoroughly enjoy our goofy conversations and picking on each other! You rock Jay!

    “Lurking in the background, peering around corners, checking y’all out. . (As if that doesn’t give you the creeps.)”

    That’s actually normal for you. I’m not creeped at all… 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, Bless you.
    I also struggle to read and comment as much as I feel I ought to. A Guy Called Bloke also admitted to feeling guilty for the same thing. I think it is a part of blogging and life, that you never feel you have enough time.
    Take all the time you need and be kind to yourself.
    🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Aaaaw Jay-lyn – I am so sorry to hear you have had recent heart-break.
    Everyone else is right about taking it easy and being kind to yourself. When you have so much on your mind and heart – you don’t need blogging to be a pressure, but if it can be a release it is a positive thing.
    You are so lovely and we all want you to be happy!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Be kind to yourself. That is absolutely the best thing you can do right now. We don’t mind if you miss reading a post or two of ours. Nothing else should ever be as important as your wellbeing! If you don’t have that then you don’t have anything!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you. I am very vigilant due to my other two crashes. I think I am good. The fact that I am cognitive of the fact I worry that I am depressed again speaks to me. Previous bouts I denied until I went kaboom! That is what I call my depressive episodes.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Hang in there my friend and don’t beat yourself up over reading, liking and commenting on blogs. We are all busy and have many things to take care of each day. Your world, your family and your life come first. I just appreciate you letting us know you’re OK. Just keep writing and healing as you go. Life is good 🙂💕💕

    Liked by 2 people

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