Hello? Goodbye?

Memories

flood

all I have left.

Better times

not laced with tears

fears

deception.

I still want you.

(I instigate each call)

I miss you.

(Reaching out for you)

I know my worth.

(Or I thought I did.

Now I am not sure)

Yet you…

you bring me to my knees.

I would do anything

to feel your lips

your arms

your body pressed to mine.

Friends

stare

incredulous.

What the hell?

How can I forget?

How can I not know myself?

Taken by the shoulders

shaken

slap me upside the head

voices battering….

me?

Shutting down.

Wrapped in the corner

arms around

face shuttered

hidden

black shadows dancing

howling

let me hide under the bed.

I want to be.

I want to live.

I want to decide

do I live

do I die

how to I make this hurt disappear?

Stepping back

find the boundary

set the stakes

you want me

come

crawl

beg

still not sure I should forgive.

I need to think

I need to decide

another chance

or do I say good-bye?

January 23/18

**This was previously written but updated to include today’s word of the day.