Untitled Relationship Poem #6

I realized

standing at the kitchen sink

hands steeped in water

I have not dealt with

the pain you caused.

Drinking too much

I have hidden

drowned

my sorrows

so I did not look it in the face.

Sight blurred

tears dripping from my chin

I felt pain.

howl ripped deep

shattering me

staggering to my knees.

I lay sobbing

memory after memory

rushing

streaming

flying

from heart to mind

too many to categorize.

Crawling to the bedroom

pulling myself into bed

I pull your pillow close

wrapping myself around

inhaling your scent

feeling summer heat on my skin.

Alcohol infused soul

hidding

hidden

hid

behind blackened void

where once my heart was.

Prayers never worked

yet I mutter your name

over and over

rosary beads through my hand.

Slices

carmine lips

shattered smile stitched across my face.

Eyes blooded

removed

no need to see

fact

I will always come back to you.

Feb. 12/19

Broken Hope

***Please note this is not how I am feeling at this time.***

I am broken.

Fragile heart

listless soul

lost 

broken

destroyed.

I am broken.

Tears

crystal shatters

falling at my feet

no longer does it pain me

for there is nothing

a black void

where once there was hope.

I am broken.

Cold I have become

realizing there is no love

not a shred to be found

within this being.

I am broken.

Survivor

a past so bleak

so brutal

that I hide from it

only forward will I go.

I am broken.

Gathering

tethering

some semblance

of reality.

I am broken

but know

I should never give up hope.

February 12/19