Untitled Relationship Poem #6

I realized
standing at the kitchen sink
hands steeped in water
I have not dealt with
the pain you caused.
Drinking too much
I have hidden
drowned
my sorrows
so I did not look it in the face.
Sight blurred
tears dripping from my chin
I felt pain.
howl ripped deep
shattering me
staggering to my knees.
I lay sobbing
memory after memory
rushing
streaming
flying
from heart to mind
too many to categorize.
Crawling to the bedroom
pulling myself into bed
I pull your pillow close
wrapping myself around
inhaling your scent
feeling summer heat on my skin.
Alcohol infused soul
hidding
hidden
hid
behind blackened void
where once my heart was.
Prayers never worked
yet I mutter your name
over and over
rosary beads through my hand.
Slices
carmine lips
shattered smile stitched across my face.
Eyes blooded
removed
no need to see
fact
I will always come back to you.
Feb. 12/19

Broken Hope

***Please note this is not how I am feeling at this time.***
I am broken.
Fragile heart
listless soul
lost 
broken
destroyed.
I am broken.
Tears
crystal shatters
falling at my feet
no longer does it pain me
for there is nothing
a black void
where once there was hope.
I am broken.
Cold I have become
realizing there is no love
not a shred to be found
within this being.
I am broken.
Survivor
a past so bleak
so brutal
that I hide from it
only forward will I go.
I am broken.
Gathering
tethering
some semblance
of reality.
I am broken
but know
I should never give up hope.
February 12/19