Never Again

I hear you.
Chirping away at me.
Chirp.
Chirp.
Chirp.
First time you lied 
should have known better
should have shown you the door.
Second time you lied
I crossed my fingers
hoping that you were done.
Third time…..
Well damn girl…..
I was just an idiot
so lost in lust
I could not see straight.
My desire for you
my obsession with you
all consuming
eating away at me.
Back and forth I go.
Do I love you?
Or do I not?
My lack.
My confidence
gone to black.
Fed your ego
made you so tender
basked in my adoration
how does it feel
now that I am gone?
I saw you.
I see you.
I miss you.
I no longer need you.
Love you still.
Protecting my heart…..
shielded…..
shackled…..
lost
caged…..
found
in your hand or mine
shall never know.
Forgiving I am.
Wiser.
My worth.
My knowledge.
Myself.
Never again
will I forget
who I am
who I am meant to be.
Never again will I lose me.
 
March 2/19
Photo by Holly Mandarich on Unsplash

Author: Jay-lyn Doerksen

I am a single hard working mom in her 40's. I have always written poetry and I love words. I live with depression and its ups downs. This is a space where I can create and write all that I need to.

5 thoughts on “Never Again”

  1. This poem is striking. It comes across to me as an honest, insightful look at the tragic confusion and obscuring smoke of emotional dependency. I imagine it cost you something to write it. The defiant ending drives the poem straight to the heart. The poem is wounding in its intensity.

    Liked by 1 person

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