Choices

Explain to me please
how it is so easy for you 
to hurt me.
I gave you my all
my everything……
I fell in love with you
I thought you loved me too
but I discovered
only one heart was true..
Sure as hell wasn’t yours.
So…..
that means
it was mine.
Fragile…..
Broken….. 
Bleeding…..
Abused……
I loved you
(damn it I love you still)
I gave you my heart
you threw it back
as though I was a joke.
(I am in such pain)
I cry
tears 
sobs
heart wrenched free.
I want to be
yours again.
I want to have…..
sense of security
sense of pride
sense of being wanted.
You have fucked me
so badly
yet I cannot stop.
I will love you forever
in my heart.
Tears spill
no matter how hard I push you away
your memory
your touch
I am lost in you……
let me go
pull me near
just please
make up your fucking mind.
March 3/19