Never Again

Awakening
time has ceased to spool
forward
backward
all gone
there is only now.
A now
filled with pain
filled with darkness
filled with sorrow
and rage.
This box I am in
not one of my own making.
Thoughts
ideas
imposed on me by the will of others
nothing I can say.
I am not the sum of everyone
I am not the sum of those people
who are trying to corner me
rip free the freedom
the relief that I have found.
Reverting once more
into that small hurting girl I use to be.
Fear becomes a constant companion
causing me to wonder:
have I reverted in reality
or merely seeing the mirage of truth
that others feel is real?
I know this is false
this is not who I am.
Fuzzy headed
drugged
sedated
try to take the hard won freedom
this life I have built for myself.
I will fight 
I will win
I am never going back there again.
©May 24/19
Picture via Pinterest found by The Eclectic Contrarian