Never Free

Often
I sit
alone
frightened
no where to turn
no one to trust
howling voices
heard only by me.
Baying my name
razor sharp
pin pricks
made to feel.
I fear
what those voices tell me
warn me
rip me
taunt me
feasting upon the dark of my soul
the black of my dreams.
My innocence
stripped away
I was left to fend
to care for myself
for who else was there?
Past haunts present…..
Present hurts future…..
seeds sown
doubts reaped
do not look at me
do not see the devil within
the one balancing on my shoulder
in my heart
in my mind.
The devil who whispers damning words
causing me to collapse
whimpers in my throat
scratching
screaming
why can I not be free?
memories
twisted
emotions
seared
nothing in my world makes sense
no words to appease the demons dancing within.
Rage
fuel to the fire…..
Why can I not be alone?
Why must the devil
the demons that reside within
gnaw on my pain
my anxiety
sating themselves
until the blackness rises again.
ยฉAug. 2/19
Picture found via Pinterest

Author: Jay-lyn Doerksen

I am a single hard working mom in her 40's. I have always written poetry and I love words. I live with depression and its ups downs. This is a space where I can create and write all that I need to.

20 thoughts on “Never Free”

    1. Thank you. Surprisingly it was a bit difficult to come up with. I had the image of brooding over something so I began to write. I had to stop and read as I wrote to ensure that I was not veering away from well I still am not sure. It was dark I knew that but I wanted to give that sense of bleak acceptance shredded with heart wrenching anger and fear at end. I am glad that you enjoyed. I really cannot express how appreciative I am of your reading my poems and encouraging me. Thank you. ๐Ÿ˜Š

      Liked by 1 person

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