Just Me

I sat down with her
that voice in my head
a conversation we had to have
for it seemed
she was awakening
calling my name
freaking me out
truth be told
because she whispers in my ear:
‘You and you alone can guide your destiny’
I am the one in control.
I am the one who guides internal dialogue.
I am the one who can listen.
I am the one who can shut it down.
There is a twinge of fear though…..
The voices are back
filling my head
conversation over conversation
there is no freedom
zone in (too close shearing sceams)
zone out (blank and mindless smile)
all do I do not have to admit
the voices are mine.
I fear to delve too deep.
I fear what is coming to light.
Hold me close
dispel the shadow
still my tears
warm embrace
I fear I am going crazy.
As trite as it may seem
I gauge my sanity daily:
Am I normal today?
Am I not?
Is it a sad day?
Truth is addiction is my undoing.
That is why the voices have been so still
for liquid gold
soothes burning soul
quenching desire to hide
allowing hurts to subside
beneath a hazy ideal
I can be just who I am
no more
no less
just me.
©August 22/19
Picture is one of my own
Matlock Beach Manitoba 2017