Just Me

I sat down with her
that voice in my head
a conversation we had to have
for it seemed
she was awakening
calling my name
freaking me out
truth be told
because she whispers in my ear:
‘You and you alone can guide your destiny’
I am the one in control.
I am the one who guides internal dialogue.
I am the one who can listen.
I am the one who can shut it down.
There is a twinge of fear though…..
The voices are back
filling my head
conversation over conversation
there is no freedom
zone in (too close shearing sceams)
zone out (blank and mindless smile)
all do I do not have to admit
the voices are mine.
I fear to delve too deep.
I fear what is coming to light.
Hold me close
dispel the shadow
still my tears
warm embrace
I fear I am going crazy.
As trite as it may seem
I gauge my sanity daily:
Am I normal today?
Am I not?
Is it a sad day?
Truth is addiction is my undoing.
That is why the voices have been so still
for liquid gold
soothes burning soul
quenching desire to hide
allowing hurts to subside
beneath a hazy ideal
I can be just who I am
no more
no less
just me.
ยฉAugust 22/19
Picture is one of my own
Matlock Beach Manitoba 2017

Author: Jay-lyn Doerksen

I am a single hard working mom in her 40's. I have always written poetry and I love words. I live with depression and its ups downs. This is a space where I can create and write all that I need to.

13 thoughts on “Just Me”

  1. That argument inside is our way free. It can babble, it can endear, and it most certainly can drive us to such negativity.
    But in truth we need that shift, that ability to argue our journey so that we can make the changes to find that love we always seek.
    When we finally realise, after enduring some of the most painful times in our life, that it is only our fears from childhood that hold us back, we finally understand them and in doing so they lose their power over us…and set us free to finally embrace that love we have always wanted…ours, no longer blocked by our thoughts and allowing us to smile, really smile for the first time.
    May your arguments and negativity break your heart free to see and feel a beauty beyond belief. It is gently awaiting with a love like no other ๐Ÿ’œ

    Like

      1. That is your heart trying to express something and in-depthly is accepted for exactly how it was given kind lady, with love. And it is my pleasure Jay, just believe and have faith (and yes I know that is hard on the rough days), in you. Underneath it all is a magic you will not believe, and when it finally touches you it will leave you in tears…beautiful tears as you understand just what you have achieved by enduring such a journey. It is a love like nothing else you have ever touched โค๏ธ

        Liked by 1 person

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