Just Me

I sat down with her

that voice in my head

a conversation we had to have

for it seemed

she was awakening

calling my name

freaking me out

truth be told

because she whispers in my ear:

‘You and you alone can guide your destiny’

I am the one in control.

I am the one who guides internal dialogue.

I am the one who can listen.

I am the one who can shut it down.

There is a twinge of fear though…..

The voices are back

filling my head

conversation over conversation

there is no freedom

zone in (too close shearing sceams)

zone out (blank and mindless smile)

all do I do not have to admit

the voices are mine.

I fear to delve too deep.

I fear what is coming to light.

Hold me close

dispel the shadow

still my tears

warm embrace

I fear I am going crazy.

As trite as it may seem

I gauge my sanity daily:

Am I normal today?

Am I not?

Is it a sad day?

Truth is addiction is my undoing.

That is why the voices have been so still

for liquid gold

soothes burning soul

quenching desire to hide

allowing hurts to subside

beneath a hazy ideal

I can be just who I am

no more

no less

just me.

©August 22/19

Picture is one of my own

Matlock Beach Manitoba 2017