Blackened Husk

***At first I thought that this was going to become positive. It has not. This is not at all how I feel now. It is a recollection of how I felt in the days leading up to my big KABOOM! 4 more days***
Pallid specter
grey
anguished features
pain
unbidden
unwanted
would give anything for it to go away.
Discomfort…..
what all feel 
when I am present.
Lost
scarecrow straight
stride forward
look neither right
nor left
acknowledge nothing
so much safer this way.
Disquieted…..
easier to pretend
than to actually see
this…..
is what life has done to me.
No longer looking in the mirror
escape the penetrating look
disappointment
that I have not lived up
to the expectations
I force upon myself.
Malaise…..
bites deep
look away
hide away
draw knees in
protect yourself
no one else will.
Time has expired 
leaving me void
my reality
my truth
I hate to say it
but there is no moving forward.
©Dec. 19/19
Picture via Pinterest

Author: Jay-lyn Doerksen

I am a single hard working mom in her 40's. I have always written poetry and I love words. I live with depression and its ups downs. This is a space where I can create and write all that I need to.

47 thoughts on “Blackened Husk”

  1. The woman you were in this poem versus the woman you are today, the difference is immense. I am so glad I can see the journey up and out and not the journey down and under. You are awesome missus! Your words touched my heart again. Well written and thought provoking as usual. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. To be honest, I feel like I am learning who you are through your poetry, you have a beautiful soul and it shows in the way you use the flow of words to express your deepest fears and your greatest joys. I am not normally given to commenting on blogs etc but I always feel the need to when I read your work. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you Gemma. I hope I am spelling your name correctly. I still surprise myself every time I write. That I put those words together. Sometimes when I read my own work I wonder how the heck I wrote it. I have on more than one occasion read a piece of work and thought wow this is good who wrote this I want to read more. Only to discover that it is me. Sorry babbly. Now having said that let me also say I read each and every one of your entries. I may not comment but I am lurking there. 🤓💜

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I know exactly what you mean about surprising yourself every time you write. In my normal day to day life, when I have time, I write stage play scripts and short stories. When I read those back I laugh at myself because I had no idea I even had those stories in me and I am always surprised at how well they turn out! Thank you for reading my entries sweetie, I know they are not for the faint hearted so I really do appreciate that comment more than you know, and yes you spelt my name correctly 😀

        Liked by 1 person

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