Power Returned

***Picture is my own***

Well now this is a bit of a longer whisp of thought but only that I need to write the set up.

Tember was at his dad’s for Monday night and would be dropped off at home Tuesday afternoon for Christmas Eve. Which meant I could lounge around as my shift did not start until 10 a.m. on the 24th. It was not too cold so I did not need to go out early to start the car.

9:35 a.m. I got bundled up headed out the door and pull the car key from my pocket. Only to realize that it is shorter. Significantly shorter. I stared at it stupidly for a moment as I tried to figure out if it was always this short and I was a moron or had it broken.

Tried it on the car door. Nope not working. Called the ex’s home phone. No answer. Called the ex’s cell. No answer. Call work. Panicked. Nearly in tears. OMG I am going to be late for work. Called my boss hoping to catch her so she could pick me up. The one time she forgets her phone at home. Called P one of my besties and fearing I had woke her up hesitantly asked if she could come and give me a ride to work. She could.

I came back in the apartment. Called work. I am trying to figure out how to get home after work. How do I get to work on the 26th? I am on holidays next week so could deal with it then. I text the ex and let him know what had happened. I was at a loss.

As I climbed the stairs to wait for P tears in my eyes I stopped suddenly. What the hell?

‘Jay,’ I said to myself a little sternly, ‘this is something that is completely out of your control. You did not make the key snap. You did not do any of this. So why are you getting so worked up? There is nothing you can do right now so calm down.’

And like that I did. My heart settled and I no longer felt as though on the verge of a panic attack. I felt so powerful taking back my ability to control myself and my emotions. I did not lose it as I would have before. Cursing and angry. I realized that I was not going to allow this small thing to derail my day.

Off I went to work and used the story as a part of my day. Got the name of a locksmith. Ex came and got my keys. He was going to see what he could do for me. Had a great day at work. And it became even better when ex messaged to say that keys were cut and he would leave them with Tember when he dropped him off. I was ecstatic. And to top it off the ex wished me a Merry Christmas. The keys were my gift.

Two years ago…….a year ago……six months ago……I would have let the whole key situation bother me. I would have been down all day. How could this happen? And at Christmas? Not this time. This time I chose to not allow it to dictate my day.

There is a power in this. I have had another step forward in my personal growth. This is not to say that I am never going to get upset again…..and lose my temper over something so trivial……however if I continue to catch these small things and correct them…..learn from them…..I evolve more and more into the glorious woman I be.

Dec. 26/19

P.S. To top it off I went to lock the apartment door only to have my door key nearly snap off. Thank goodness I can use Tember’s. Never rains but pours……And I am still smiling. ๐Ÿ™‚

Author: Jay-lyn Doerksen

I am a single hard working mom in her 40's. I have always written poetry and I love words. I live with depression and its ups downs. This is a space where I can create and write all that I need to.

11 thoughts on “Power Returned”

  1. Well, this may sound a bit mad, but by the end of this, I felt like a proud mama! ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€ Congratulations on controlling your anxiety, huge congratulations for keeping perspective and then going on to have a brilliant day. ๐Ÿ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

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