Silenced Forever

***I feel that I need to preface this: I do not feel like this at all any more. This is a poem that is based upon the feelings that I had back in early 2018 when I was falling apart and rebuilding myself. Although this poem was written today the emotions are not the ones felt today. I am in a beautiful space in my life. Writing. Loving Myself. Parenting. Independence. Being Me. I do not want any of my readers to worry. I am awesome.****

Thorny tears
Wept upon stone gardens
Briared heart
Woven tight
Against intruders
Fingers grip
Mouth tightens
Scream silenced
Hidden in the shadows
Let not the monsters find me
I have run
I have fled
I have finally escaped
My bleeding past
The wraiths that haunt me
Only to be found once more
Haunting voices
Whispered in my ear
Talons dig
Shearing thorns
Straight to frail heart
Mauling
Tearing
Shredding
I fall
Forever manacled
Chains of rusted iron
Rage
Anguish
Never happiness
Some days
I wish my world would end
Nightmares would fade to concrete gray
Fantasies tattered remains
Float away
Awash in nothingness
Silence
Sweet Silence
Blessed be me.
©Jan. 31/20
Picture is my own.

To all the Trolls I Loved Before (😂😂)

I wrote this in response to two trolling emails via my contact that I received. Does that mean I have made it? If I upset someone that much? Can you tell how funny I find this? 😂😂

Face contorted

spittle flying

rage
so ugly making
words
used to attack
to tear down
what is feared.
Sit before your screen
back lit by your fury
your terror
that voices rise up
words combined
sentences created
marring your version of reality.
Vindictive
your voice the only to matter…..
sense of narcissism in that
such as you accuse others of having.
Hide behind anonymity
believe your tirade will garner notice
when in reality
we just hit the delete button.
Consigning you
your vile words
to the eternal trash bin
of the internet
forever to float
untethered
unnoticed
unheard
shoulder shrug
while you sit stewing
waiting for the next one.
©January 30/20
Picture is my own.

Sheltered Storm

Despite the blizzard that is she
despite the roaring winds
the cruel cold
harsh darkness
within.
Burning candle
unaffected by the storm
bowed
head bent
so very very dear.
She is strong
standing tall
in her pain
wrapped around
chains that bind
holding her to the wall
holding her memories.
Mouth open
silent screams
all she wants
to be heard.
Look into her eyes
see within
darkened despair
agony
fear
that she is not enough
never enough
for those looking at her.
Gather her close
rekindle the fire
burn through the coldness
bring to her desire.
Watch her astonishment
as you remind her
once more
you will always be there.
A light in the blizzard.
A port in the storm.
You are home.
©Jan. 29/20
Picture via Pinterest
This poem was begun by John at The Eclectic Contrarian and sent my way to develop. This was the first time we have done it with a poem. Other times he has sent me pictures to write about. He is my adopted brother in another country from a totally different set of parents who is a great man and a really good friend. We also provide great comedy free of charge in the comments section. 🙂
This is the link to John’s take on it. Polarity

Peer Behind the Curtain

*******Preface this is not how I am feeling at all. I was reading another blog this morning when the words written struck a cord. This poem is a result of that. Describing the time leading up to the Kaboom of 2017*****

Look
how can she know
what it feels like
to be trapped
to be ensnared
in sticky strands
black anguish
struggle for freedom.
Look
not at the cover
what is beneath
scarred
cracked
broken
each piece
a little out of line with each other.
Look
see her smile
her joy in life?
Look
peer through black mimosa
see the child sized woman
wracked with doubts
demons
cackling
dancing around
a wicked game of bully be
from which there is no escape.
Look and see
bottles lined up
alcohol
pills
bitter retreat
dulled numbness
run from the past
from memories brutal and true.
Enough tears
enough pain
enough of everything…..
a bottle later
the voice still screams
shaking
unable to see
crying
do not let anyone come near
do not let anyone hear
leave it be
death maybe the only way out.
Look
found
love within self
truth within self
myself 
in the herself I use to be.
©Jan. 28/20
Picture is my own.

Awaiting Rapine

Rubble
reduced
ravaged land
claw through debris
floating from dull grey clouds
there is no summer
there is no spring
or fall
only the winter of destruction
lays across the land.
Crowing
destruction
laid waste
world
no longer flourishing
survival the new way
the only way.
Rusted crown
upon Jester’s head
shaking rattle
fiery denial
wrong doing not done
slanderous rage
all blaming
finger pointing
mouths screaming.
Gather round
murderous claim
no better then vultures
hovering
waiting…..
for death
waiting…..
for the axe to fall
head to roll
alas dear Horatio
it is already too late.
©Jan. 27/20
Picture via Pintrest

Avenging Demon Lass

Black venom
noxious
thick
slithers through these veins
feeding upon
darkness
bleak thoughts
suicidal
pain fed
screech
horror
grip the bars
wrought iron
of this cage
howling
lines scored into skin
as you sing
once loose 
better run
cause I will come
hunting 
for you
for those who baited me
used me
sucked dry
heart
soul
husk 
on the side of the road
soft crooning
rocking
forth
back
madness
fired in your eyes
sanity
finger tip away
single touch
avenger
protector
huntress in the night
blood red lust
blinded dreams
gutted in the alley
left to bleed out.
©Jan. 26/20
Picture via Pinterest

Word of the Day Challenge #84-Untitled Poem

I sit
tears falling
blurred vision
all I can think of
is how I hurt you
how much I miss you
this throbbing ache
peering
blinded eyes
never again
together
held by you
chase the nightmares away
you became deeply entrenched
with blooded memories of my past
tangled webs
I cannot unwind
curled inward
grasping knees
piercing screams
wave after wave
venomous evil
washes over me
yawning
black pit
sucking me in
screaming
even as you held me
promising safety
protection
I know…..
I know you wished me no harm
I know you held me with love
I know…..
all you ever wanted
was to protect me true
eventually though
no one
but me
could protect me
with promise of haven
able was I
trust
held me close
chase the demons
spear them
protection
I found in your arms
only to realize
a part of the horror
the wicked dreams
forever entangled
in your love
wistful thinking
I’d be able to separate
horror from peace
in the end
I had to say good bye.
©Jan. 26/20
Picture is my own