Twisted
dark gloom
shadows gather in corners
tears shed
become rambling roses
thorns jabbing
blood welling
it has all come again.
Circle upon circle
hell upon hell
looking with desperation
screaming with terror
there is no way out
no steps
no chinks in the wall
stand
looking up
wanting to be there
no here…..
in the depths of misery
in the depths of pain
in the depths of self-hatred.
Body used to tempt
drugs to defend
alcohol to bury the memories
driving myself forward
to forget a past
to forget the tortures I faced.
Falling
falling
falling
heart racing
tears falling
non-stop
cannot see
I only know I need this hurting to stop.
Looking back today
upon the journey I have taken
the road that I am still moving forward on
the emotions I feel
allow myself to feel
accepting help from others
accepting that I am important
accepting that I am worthy of love.
The steps taken
long since
I have stopped counting.
I continue to move along this life of mine
only now
I can enjoy this trip I am on.
©Feb. 2/20
Picture is my own
Nice pic!
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Thank you. 🤓💜
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You’re welcome aunt Jay!
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Such a sweet adopted niece. Have you spoken to that brother o’mine? I worked yesterday so was not on.
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You’re super sweet too!
I talked to him this morning for a little bit.
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Awesome. He will emerge sooner or later lol
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I’m sure he will.
He didn’t have to work today! 🙂
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Me neither yet….
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Yet… yeah. I didn’t have to either
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At present there is no sunday shopping in my city but gov’t is changing rules which means where I work will be open 7-11 7 days a week.
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Oh so you work at a shopping place I guess?
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Grocery Store-Customer Service
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Gotcha.
Where to you live? If that’s not too personal of a question. I’m in South Carolina.
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Sweetie I am up in Manitoba Canada. We are the center of Canada. I live in a small SE city called Steinbach.
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Wow! Very interesting!
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Cool! My parents have a friend up in Canada in Cold Lake.
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Alberta right? 2 provinces away going west
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Yeah, it was in Alberta.
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Here is I!
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Hello brother…..we were nice today
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So I see…
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Don’t get use to it
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Oh I ain’t
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I’ s see
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😝
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😁😁
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“I am important
accepting that I am worthy of love.”
Nuff said.
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Thank you. 🤓💜
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You’re welcome!
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such a beautifully reflective poem!
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Thank you. I cried writing this one this morning. 🤓💜
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I can see why…..it is so deep.
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💜
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Awwww how come I missed his appearance?
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It was very brief.
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That’s too bad!
Well, I guess I can chat with you?
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You ok? My dad thought I should check on you.
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Yes I am alright. I was not feeling well Saturday and thought I had kicked it but no. And Tember (son) came home from his dad’s last night with headache and feeling cold. We both stayed home today
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Uh oh.
What’s this all about you puking on his blog though?
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Because I sent a puky face to him. He sent back toilet paper. He is being goofy
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Hehe that is funny! Y’all are a mess
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It is him. I was being nice!
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I’m sure you were. You’re always nice. He’s always…. uhhhhhh
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I am not always nice lol
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At least to me anyway
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Of course! Never mean to another woman.
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You got me rolling on the floor laughing!!!!!!!
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Why?
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What you said, but you called me a woman!
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Just because I did not preface it as Young Woman you are still one.
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Oh there ya go thanks
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I always know what I am saying missy…..despite what my brother may say. 😘
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I like your attitude! My dad is a smart guy though.
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I be smrtre 😂😂😂😂
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Well maybe. He’s an awesome dad! That’s for sure!
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He is an awesome brother too
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He gives great hugs!
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I do too. When friends feel low they come for a Jay Hug. I give the best hugs to take away your troubles.
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Really? Then I need one. I thought his bear hugs were the best ever!
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We will have to compare.
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Cool!
So, what time is it where you live?
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8:09
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No it’s 9:10
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Where you are. Where I am it is 8:10. I am going to say good night little one. I would like to read for a bit before I fall asleep. Sweet dreams. 💜
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Ok. Good night. {hug}
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Hug.
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I’ve got to admit that that is true.
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Oh, don’t worry, she said the same thing about John and I this morning.
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Just remember: you are part of this mess 😉
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I know. Thanks for reminding me.
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Bwahahaha And it’s too late to escape.
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I feel bad now
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LOL, why?
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My question exactly
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I guess we’ll find out?
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Cryptic she be…just like our brother
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Oh, she’s explained. She’s just joking. I actually usually don’t find John cryptic.
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He likes to be cryptic with me
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Oh, really? Well, he can be quite quirky.
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Cuz I can’t get out
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Get out of where???
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Of this “family mess” as Ash calls it
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Who is Ash? Family mess? Nuhuh we are a loving functional adopted family so way better as we chose one another. 😜😜😜
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Rue202
Yeah I know, right?
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You are speaking in riddles like your dad
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Sorry lol. It runs in the family.
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😂😂😂😂
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I am the Ash she is speaking of. I have published some books on Amazon under the name of Ash digest. so Lydia sometimes calls me Ash.
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Sorry – you’re one of us *evil cackle* no-one leaves the short bus in this weird*** family.
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dang it
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High-five?
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Is that what i said?
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No.
I’m asking for one now that you’ve accepted that you can’t leave, but I’m not sure how you’ll react…LOL, JK!
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oh.
Did you get my email?
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No. I’ll go check.
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Okay
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Just sent a reply.
I’ve actually got a post scheduled for Friday my time talking about what a glorious mess families are with all the mis-match they all are and discuss us (though I don’t name anybody, though I’ve described you guys in a particular way so that only you guys know whom I’m talking about).
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Oh man!
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Ladies I am eldest please do not confuse me. Everyone is happy right?
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Uhhh right. *roll eyes*
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I am…..eldest
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What does that mean?
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Y’all take after me with having six conversations in one but your Tia/sister is 47 too fast for me 😜😜😜😜
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Oh is that so? I didn’t know that.
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Oh yeah….I have short speak
We will have a conversation about something and I will remember something hours later and respond to that fully expecting that you will know what I mean
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Lol I’m kind of old too
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All of 16 is old????
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Oh my word! Who says 16??????
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How old are you???
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18 in a couple weeks!
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Baby
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Holy pig! What did you call me????????????
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A baby….you are literally 30 years younger than me….baby
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But not 16! 16 year olds are whimpy
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16 year olds are awesome. Cusp of childhood and adulthood
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Lol so funny
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Well said.
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My mother’s only a year older than you! She will be 49 in June.
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Holy pig????
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Nice way of saying something else
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Okay?
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You’ll love yours!…I hope *builds brick wall around me for protection just in case*
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What are you talking about????
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I was just telling Lydia how I have gotten a post scheduled for Friday (my time) talking about how it takes all types to be a family and how that makes it a glorious mess and I use us as an example (though I don’t name anyone) and describe you guys in a certain way so that you’d all know whom I was talking about.
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😂😂😂😂😂I cannot wait to read
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You’ll love it!
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YIKES! I’m scared
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Be afraid, be very afraid. I’ve also managed to have gotten the comments section on for it so that you all (John, Jay, you and I) can have at it in the comments about what I’ve said about you all.
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Oh my geez! And this is tomorrow you said?
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No – two days from now. (It’s going to be on Friday, and it’s Wednesday here).
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Oh okay. So on V day?
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Yeah.
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Sweet
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Actually, I think that days perfect for it.
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Hehehe hahahaha can’t wait!
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Neither can I! A day full of love…*not*
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Oh my. I’m going to die
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It was an honour knowing you.
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Ahhhhhhh no! Don’t leave me
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You were the one that said that you were going to die! So it’s been an honour.
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I didn’t say that
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“Oh my. I’m going to die” – you did say that! Plus, you’ll probably all murder me after it all, so I’m just getting it in just in case XD
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Oops! Sorry
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You’re forgiven…I think.
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LOL why not for sure?
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Um…cause I’m your aunt?
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Whoa you are?
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*rolls eyes* you’re John’s daughter, and I’m his sister, so that makes me your aunt. Remember, you and I discussed that once?
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Yeah but too weird
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So? Everything about this family is weird – including my whole life! I was an aunt right from birth and became a great-aunt at the age of eight.
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Really?
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Yep.
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I have a special fam
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So do I! Two, in fact.
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Yes very true
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So…you’re okay now, little niece?
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I am now.
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That’s good!
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Well thank you
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=)
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*whispers* say you’re welcome!
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*shouts* Is that my line?
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Shut up! I mean Yeah
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Well, you’re welcome!
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Finally! Learn your manners aunt
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Bite your tongue! You’re supposed to respect your elders.
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Elder nothing!
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Elder everything! Aunt is technically an elder.
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Not you!
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How so, young lady? *grabs soap to force-wash her mouth out*
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No! Not the soapppppppp
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Yessss, the ssssoap! Now wash out your mouth!
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😂😂😂😂😂😂
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😂😂😂😂😂😂
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I’m eating gum sorry
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That is not healthy for you!
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It’s sugar free silly
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Well, whatever.
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Yeah. I can’t have sugar
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It was just a joke. Ouch, that sucks. One of my younger brothers can’t either due to teeth problems.
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But I don’t have teeth problems. It’s called health problems. Sigh
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Yikes! My brother should be grateful, then.
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Yes for sure!
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So, does that mean no chocolate or ice-cream for you?
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Right. No gluten, grain, dairy, salt, sugar, etc….
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I’m so sorry.
So, does that mean I can have your share?
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No not at all!
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But that’s not fair! I am your aunt!
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So what?
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It means that I should get a double-portion!
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No! Not so
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Yes so! *tries to snatch Lydia’s goodies*
Share?
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No I won’t share.
You really think I have a secret stash of goodies?
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Huh.
It was worth a shot.
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Umm no
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*sigh* Why do you have to be so logical?
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Cuz I’m stupid
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Nah, you’re not.
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Jay said if I said that again she would kick my butt
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As will I – along with giving you a black eye.
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But I told her I don’t care
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Never mess with your aunties.
We will do it unless you shout from the rooftops that you are not stupid.
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Ha! Go for it
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*grabs megaphone* YOU ARE NOT STUPID!!! Actually, I’m thinking of calling John over now.
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He’s not here… why?
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He’ll annoy you into agreeing with us.
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I’ve already talked enough with him tonight
He’s busy
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Oh, is he? What’s he doing?
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He won’t tell me. I guess just stuff.
He’s tired too
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Okay…I’ll be nice, then.
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For once! Yes
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I didn’t mean to you!
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Oh oops
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=)
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😉
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So better watch out
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Are you a tough lady?
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Me? Oh yes
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Ouch! Can I take it back?
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What did I say about this????
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Yeah I know
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Ick
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See I understood lol
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Yes, you are very smart.
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No Friday tomorrow is Wed
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I know. Just shows I’m stupid
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Do not ever call yourself stupid! Ever or I will kick your butt
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Go ahead… kick it. I don’t care. Nothing new.
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Grrrrrrrre
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Hehehe got you! I get kicked there everyday!
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Fine tackle tickle
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Don’t tickle me
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And besides when I called you a woman you were shocked…..I may be old but I remember
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See? Smart Aunt! Yeah, maybe I am
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Uh duh!
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LOL
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I am so looking forward to that
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Me too!
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High five
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Hugs!
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We are awesome no dang it
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Sorry but I say so
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Dang it?????
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Yyyyyyeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh
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Why do you want to leave?
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Not me!
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