To Be Counted…..

Twisted
dark gloom
shadows gather in corners
tears shed
become rambling roses
thorns jabbing
blood welling
it has all come again.
Circle upon circle
hell upon hell
looking with desperation
screaming with terror
there is no way out
no steps
no chinks in the wall
stand
looking up
wanting to be there
no here…..
in the depths of misery
in the depths of pain
in the depths of self-hatred.
Body used to tempt
drugs to defend
alcohol to bury the memories
driving myself forward
to forget a past
to forget the tortures I faced.
Falling
falling
falling
heart racing
tears falling
non-stop
cannot see
I only know I need this hurting to stop.
Looking back today
upon the journey I have taken
the road that I am still moving forward on
the emotions I feel
allow myself to feel
accepting help from others
accepting that I am important
accepting that I am worthy of love.
The steps taken
long sinceΒ 
I have stopped counting.
I continue to move along this life of mine
only now
I can enjoy this trip I am on.
Β©Feb. 2/20
Picture is my own

Author: Jay-lyn Doerksen

I am a single hard working mom in her 40's. I have always written poetry and I love words. I live with depression and its ups downs. This is a space where I can create and write all that I need to.

249 thoughts on “To Be Counted…..”

      1. Just sent a reply.
        I’ve actually got a post scheduled for Friday my time talking about what a glorious mess families are with all the mis-match they all are and discuss us (though I don’t name anybody, though I’ve described you guys in a particular way so that only you guys know whom I’m talking about).

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I was just telling Lydia how I have gotten a post scheduled for Friday (my time) talking about how it takes all types to be a family and how that makes it a glorious mess and I use us as an example (though I don’t name anyone) and describe you guys in a certain way so that you’d all know whom I was talking about.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Be afraid, be very afraid. I’ve also managed to have gotten the comments section on for it so that you all (John, Jay, you and I) can have at it in the comments about what I’ve said about you all.

        Liked by 2 people

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