Erotica & Me

Recently I began writing erotica.

Mom asked me what I thought was the cause of all the erotic poetry I have been writing. I have been thinking about it quite a bit and I think that I might understand.

When I was younger due to abuse I hid myself away.

I wore baggy clothes. Would not show my body if I had the choice.

Well I should not say that as I can divide my wardrobe into two distinct eras:

As a teen and young adult I wore short skirts. Tight jeans. My body was a walking advert for sex. I used it so men would like me. Hey I was young we all do weird things that we look back on and go what the hell was I thinking??????

From about 25 or so until I was 44 I hid behind baggy sweats.

Over sized tee shirts.

I did not quite know what I was doing although subconsciously I think that I might have.

I have always had a strange relationship with my body.

Days I look at myself and think ‘damn girl you look fine’.

And days that I look at myself and wonder what anyone sees in me.

That is my issue and I realize it stems from the abuse and lack of confidence in myself.

I am working on that.

Every day.

One of my tells when I am feeling insecure about myself I won’t look people in the eye.

When I catch myself I have a conversation reminding myself that I am wonderful and have no reason to fear looking people in the eye.

I have had an awakening.

I am a sexual being.

I am embracing this me.

No longer afraid walking in the sun caring not who looks and stares.

And it turns out that I happen to be damn good at writing erotic poems.

June 21/20

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