Recently I began writing erotica.
Mom asked me what I thought was the cause of all the erotic poetry I have been writing. I have been thinking about it quite a bit and I think that I might understand.
When I was younger due to abuse I hid myself away.
I wore baggy clothes. Would not show my body if I had the choice.
Well I should not say that as I can divide my wardrobe into two distinct eras:
As a teen and young adult I wore short skirts. Tight jeans. My body was a walking advert for sex. I used it so men would like me. Hey I was young we all do weird things that we look back on and go what the hell was I thinking??????
From about 25 or so until I was 44 I hid behind baggy sweats.
Over sized tee shirts.
I did not quite know what I was doing although subconsciously I think that I might have.
I have always had a strange relationship with my body.
Days I look at myself and think ‘damn girl you look fine’.
And days that I look at myself and wonder what anyone sees in me.
That is my issue and I realize it stems from the abuse and lack of confidence in myself.
I am working on that.
Every day.
One of my tells when I am feeling insecure about myself I won’t look people in the eye.
When I catch myself I have a conversation reminding myself that I am wonderful and have no reason to fear looking people in the eye.
I have had an awakening.
I am a sexual being.
I am embracing this me.
No longer afraid walking in the sun caring not who looks and stares.
And it turns out that I happen to be damn good at writing erotic poems.
June 21/20
Picture via Pinterest
Good on you girl.
I’m the same – there are days when I feel very confident about how I look and feel like the baddest bitch in town and there are days when I look at myself and wonder why people call me beautiful. So recently I’ve started trying every day to ingrain that mentality that I’m wonderful and amazing and have nothing to hide and people can stare/judge/criticize all they fucking want!
LikeLiked by 2 people
💜💜💜💜💜😘
LikeLiked by 1 person
🤗
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are good at erotic poems!
Find your wild
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much. 🤓💜
LikeLike
It’s part of your self discovery… go for it 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Beautiful
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. 🤓💜
LikeLike
You wrote so well
LikeLike
Thank you very much. 🙂
LikeLike
😀😀😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s marvelous………. You should live yourself the way you are!!!🤗😉💙
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much. I knew I was good at writing it just that it is hard when your mom reads your blog lol so now I give her warnings 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person