Directory of Pain

***This poem portrays a very bleak vision of myself. While I do have a constant mental health checklist I am going over every so often I wonder if I am fooling myself. I am not anywhere near the darkness portrayed in this poem.***

Peering

nose pressed to mirror

eyes darting

checking

evaluating.

Lackluster smile

tired from being on

day in

day out

cheerleader for all

no one to cheer me.

Lines etched

creased

no longer smile

frown

pursed lips

unhappy

pressing closer

looking for

trying to find

the girl

the one I was before.

Listening

intently

is that a whisper

chirp of bitter voice

striving to return

tears seep

am I going insane?

am I already there?

Check list

one…..

two…..

three…..

seem to pass

yet it is there

niggling worry

depression riding blackened cloud

ready to attach itself

bleed my beating heart

returning me to desolation

to despair…..

do you hear it too?

©July 7/20

Picture is my own