Breath Baby

Eyes wide
fear induced
strapped to chair
seeing heart beat
scent of terror 
mimosa urine sweat betrayal rage impotence 
strength 
no place here
my fortress
now you will pay.
Really not that sweet 
not any more
you saw to that.
Ten lashes.
One for each year.
Delivered.
Cat o’nine
damage flesh
shriek
music
tempo changes
crescendo 
nine…..
ten.
Breath Baby.
Just Breath.
Sucked me in.
Nerdy I was.
Stay at home.
Wine and books.
Then You.
Stallion 
royal sleek
many a preening princess
walked right passed
eyes upon the prize
flattery
how fucking stupid was I?
Baseball Bat.
Will do for me
in place of fists.
Each pain
each thud
each grunt
every wave of pain
I shall return
tenfold you bloody bastard.
All I was 
laughed at
bought
sins were mine
paid for
near death 
rage 
quivering mess was I.
Standard apocryphal
none believed
none who knew me
idiot men
such as you
wanted it to be true
watch out wives
they are coming for you. 
Drip.
Drip.
Drip. 
Drip.
Mask of blood
feral grin
I will watch you darlin’ 
let you bleed
until you are blue 
then resurrect 
time and again
until my desire for revenge 
sated
eliminated.
Breath Baby.
Just Breath.
 
©Sept. 28/20
Picture via PInterest

Dragons & Donuts

This has been a tough week.
Mood has been up and down.
Feeling like my mojo is missing.
Feeling off.
This morning I was up at 6.
Cleaning began just after 10.
Lasted until 3:50 which is when I finally was finished.
I cleaned the oven.
Yep.
Adulting.
Also I am tired of the smoke detector screeching every time I cooked.
Sprayed the oven.
Now to the living room.
This is going to be the 4th or 5th time in about as many weeks that I have shifted things around.
Nothing felt right.
I had been thinking though about what I wanted to do.
I have lived in this apartment since May 2016.
Do not plan on moving any time soon unless I win the lottery.
This fall I am not sure what the turning point was but I have started to make it my own.
Had the blinds removed and curtains hung.
I had my wall of motivation.
I rearranged my pictures.
As much as I liked having my t.v. up a bit the table I had it on was rickety.
Thomas would jump between legs to get away from Loki as they played.
I was worried that the t.v.  was going to be pushed over or the table leg would give out.
Crash.
No t.v.
I had my book case at the bottom of the stairs.
I measured the bookcase.
I measured the t.v.
It would work.
As I was rearranging the living room I decided to wash the walls.
It started off with one wall.
I was going to take it slow.
One wall a day.
One thing lead to another.
All the walls were washed today.
I even washed the base boards.
The Base Boards People!
Look at me adulting..
Adulting!
Again!
In the same day!
Re-purposed the bookcase as a t.v. stand.
With my books displayed.
With my pictures displayed.
Realizing as I type that I am happy.
That there is a sense of rightness.
wp-1601249375476.jpg
Must be working as I had this post and a poem warring it out in my head.
Decided to write this one first.
Today is day 71 of being sober.
Had a bit of a struggle this week especially yesterday but I did not cave.
I really did not want to drink.
It was to fill time that is all.
Having not drank lead to the wicked burst of energy as opposed to laying on the couch recovering from the night before.
I am proud of me.
71 days.
Adulting.
Content.
Feeling like I have my mojo back.
This is your Sunday evening chuckle:
Was in express checkout the other day.
Gentleman comes through with donuts and a few other items.
Bagging away chatting with my customer when I get to the donuts.
I lean over to ask him if he wanted them in the bag.
What came out:
Would you like a separate bag for your dragons?
I could say nothing after that.
Have a wonderful Sunday sweetlings.
©Sept. 27/20
Photo is my own.
Picture found on Pinterest
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