Untitled Dark Poem #5

Bitter dreams
on lips
parched with lies
to stay the course
not fall
not fail
for brutal voice rages
simmering below the surface
a vile monster
bleed you dry
siphon emotions
empty husk
fake as glow in the dark tan
fantasy land
better to survive
better to exist
better to get by
even as the monster
invading heart
slaughtering head
dispersing troops of emotional repair
under fire
Brittle marionette
dance to tunes
grimace with remorse
little girl
hidden deep
seeking only to destroy
all had better watch out
for soon she shall rise
soon she shall ride the winds
soon she shall cause demise.
©Dec. 3/20
Picture via Pinterest

If It’s Not Important Later It is Not Important Now

Yesterday was a busy day.
Loki in to be fixed and shotted up.
He is now good and should I lose him or he escape out the door he is also tattooed.
He is also already 9 lbs so now begins the move to curbing the amount he receives to eat.
When I went to pick him up the receptionist said you would never know he had just had surgery.
He was rangy.
Got home and he ate.
As I type he is laying next to me asleep.
Tiring day for my little guy.
Two different views of their sleeping together.
The big little guy and I got into wrangling matches three times yesterday.
About going to the dentist.
And how safe can it be?
And on and on.
Said he would rather sleep in or be cuddling his cat.
I reminded him that if it were not for the dentist appointment he would be at his dad’s in class.
He muttered under his breath and I ignored him.
After the dentist we had a set to?
Not sure what to call it.
Setting up appointments for him to have his fillings (15-20) filled.
We had been on track before Covid hit and now it has progressed.
He was mouthy not only with me but with the wonderful woman who was setting everything up.
She had to explain to him the cost without insurance before he got it.
I ended up having to tell him to cease and desist.
As we left I looked at the ladies with an eyebrow raised and said:
He’s 12.
The laughter behind me…..
They know/knew.
Had to stop to get the cats some food.
T starts going off on me about spending money.
How I always say I am broke and than I come home with this and that.
While I was paying for the food he called me a liar.
I could barely breath.
I smiled at the young woman who helped me and we left.
Once outside I demanded to know if he talked to his father the way he was speaking to me?
And when he indicated no I asked why he thought that he could speak to me that way.
T: I am calling you out on your lies.
And I reacted.
M: I am your mother. You do not fucking get to call me out on anything.
Yes I did.
Not proud.
Not going to apologize.
I was furious.
I pulled my phone out and opened my banking app.
Showed him the balance in my account now that I had bought 6 cans of cat food.
I do believe he began to regret his actions.
As we were driving I was on fire.
And I was angry.
T finally said that he may had misunderstood.
Me: My father was a liar. Every word from his mouth was a lie. I do not lie. I am always honest with you. To a point that some may feel is too honest.
T: I did not know.
The rest of the drive was in silence.
I received a call from T’s teacher about math.
Did I think he would benefit from being moved to a smaller class?
One where he could have more attention from teacher when having difficulty.
Of course I said yes.
It is a struggle for both of us as my way of doing math is now considered wrong.
I still get the right answer and in half the time but whatever.
He gets home from his dad’s and I tell him the news.
I must have thrown out his favorite stuffie based on the reaction I received.
He ranted.
He raved.
He demanded to know why I had not asked him.
Finally I told him that come 15-20 years from now he will remember this conversation and realize that yes mom did know what she was doing.
T: I am not going to remember this in 20 years.
Me: So if you are not going to remember this in 20 years…..
T: This is so stupid……mumble mumble mumble
Me: T is this is not important enough to remember in 20 years why is it important enough to be mad about now?
T: Well because…..
Me: If you are not going to remember it why are you getting mad about it?
T: Mumble 
He stomps to the kitchen.
I hear the freezer door open and he pulls out the last ice cream cone.
T: How many ice cream cones did you eat today?
Me: Three. How many did you eat last night?
T (chortling): Four. You are lucky I did not eat them all. But I figured mother might like one or two.
I never should have told him that I hated the word mother. 
Me: You are lucky I left you last one.
T: Good night mom. I love you.
That was last night.
I went in and attempted to rouse the beast.
To no avail.
In exasperation I have told him he is now showering at night.
I am sick of arguing with him in the morning.
His response: Could we just not?
OMG I just remembered:
While in with the woman setting up T’s filling appointments I joked that after all this was done I would hold T down and brush his teeth for him.
T looks at me and smirks.
T: I outweigh you mom how are you going to do that?
AM (Appt. Maker): Your mom is pretty strong and feisty she will get you down.
Me: And I will handcuff you to the bed.
T: And how are you going to explain the handcuffs when you go buy them?
Me: I am an adult and there are places I can go to get handcuffs. Places they do not ask questions.
AM: Or rope. She can just go to Canadian Tire for that. No questions asked.
T looked horrified.
I was laughing.
He may have pissed me off several times yesterday.
But I embarrassed him twice so really once more I win.
He he he he he
Have a great Thursday all.
©Dec. 3/20
Picture is my own.
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