Find a Different Way

I have written more than once that when I was pregnant with T I knew he was a boy.

From the day I found out I knew.

How?

I don’t know.

But I did.

And I was thankful.

I was a terror as a teenager and could see it coming back to bite me tenfold if I were to have a daughter.

I figured if he was as bad as his dad had been I could handle that in my sleep.

I had experience to draw from.

What I did not wager on was a male version of me.

Snarky.

Quick witted.

Did I mention snarky?

Funny.

Sarcastic.

Caring.

Empathetic.

Smart.

And snarky.

We are working on the snarky.

When it is okay and when it is not.

Today we were sat having coffee discussing his hair.

I told him to make sure he brushed his hair.

He told me he had.

I asked if he included his bangs.

Which got a groan.

T wants his hair cut.

It is thick and shaggy and last time I got it done was in August.

So it is time.

I was going to take him last weekend but he was with his dad.

This weekend he is with this dad.

Which is good because I got my bill for wiping and reloading windows onto my laptop and it was not budgeted for.

Next weekend I will take him.

I told T that when he was 50 he was going to be thanking me for having my hair and not his dad’s.

He looked at me a little funny.

Wanted to know if he would have all his hair at 50 not be bald or going bald?

I said could be a possibility but not likely.

He groaned.

I looked at him and said if that was how he felt than he could have his dad just shave his head.

No not what he wanted.

He liked having hair now but when he was 50.

That was a lot of time to spend on washing and styling his hair.

Not even thinking I broke it down for him.

It is not like he would be washing his hair for all 50 of those years.

In reality it was more like maybe 25 years.

Then cocking my head I look over at him and grin.

Me: In your case more like maybe 15 years or so.

T (thinks about it): Mom that is gross.

Me: Think how I feel when I have to nag you to shower.

T: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Damn I am good without even meaning to be lol.

Last night was the first night in three that I slept.

Had my massage after work.

Came home and soaked in the tub for a bit.

Okay I fell asleep in the tub.

Woke up about half hour later and got out.

Ate a bowl of cereal and nodded off on couch.

Messaged T and told him I was going to bed.

When he came home he sidled into my room and woke me up gently.

I was punch drunk.

I am guessing that having not slept without pain Saturday and Sunday night I was exhausted.

So when T woke me up I was slurring my words and my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth.

He got me more water and a piece of cheese.

This morning when the alarm went off at 4:15 it wasn’t until 4:20 it penetrated my brain.

And while I had slept well nay deeply the night I was not ready to get up quite yet.

The cats were in what I at first thought was killer mode but now realize was protection mode.

Lucky was beneath the comforter and curled up under my chin.

Thomas was sleeping by my head on the pillow.

When I rolled over I nearly smothered myself as I did not know there was a cat sleeping on my pillow.

I mean really how dare I!

Loki sat himself upon my chest and draped across my throat.

I woke up and was soaking wet.

Between the cats and the damn Night Sweats I was feeling icky.

But I was buffered by pillows and stuffies and three kitties keeping me safe if not a bit warm.

So I went back to sleep until 5.

Today the pain is at a level 3 out of 5.

It is manageable.

Massage helped hugely.

I still have taken some Motrin and put cream on.

And I am going to be very careful.

I may have to have K talk to the other supervisors about my special needs before she goes on holidays

because I can’t spend all my time battling them.

I want to help and will help willingly.

Just I am not able to do a large till right now.

It is Tuesday.

Yesterday our high was 13.

I was out in my short sleeves loading orders.

Today it is suppose to be rainy but there is a lightness to the grey hanging overhead.

It is only March 9th and I am desperately trying to rein in my heart wanting to believe that spring is here and letting my head repeat

over and over it is still winter it is still winter.

Happy Tuesday!

©March 9/21

Picture is my own.