Gosh darn it all I have gone and put T in the middle.
When you are a child of divorce and you yourself are separated with a child you want to be aware of the situations you were put in and avoid those with your own child(ren).
Well I hate to say it but I put T square in the middle of the vaccine debate between his dad and I.
And I have to learn to keep my big fat mouth shut with regards to his father around him.
Last evening when T got dropped off he went off on me.
Not off yelling and screaming but he let me know.
‘Even if you get the shot you can still get the virus mom.’
‘Yes T in the first 14 days you are right you can still pick up the virus. It will not make you ill but you will be a carrier. Meaning you could give it to your father without knowing it.’
‘Oh.’
‘Do you not want the vaccine?’
‘Yeah I don’t care.’
‘Do you or do you not want the vaccine? If you do not want it I will cancel your appointment right now.’ (you parents heard it)
‘No I want to be vaccinated.’
T is torn between a rock and a hard place.
Here is mom who has always looked after him and done the best whereas his father his filling his head with nonsense. (I know folks I am working on the tone)
This is a man who use to be so science and fact based that he believed in nothing if it could not be proven.
I messaged the ex last night and asked him if he would like to come in and discuss the vaccine when he dropped T off.
I got back ‘if I have time.’
Huh.
I have been reminding myself over and over and over that I will listen.
I will not react without first thinking through my answer.
I will bite my tongue.
I will let him get everything out in the open.
If he has time.
If not well I tried at least.
©May 18/21
Picture is my own
I’ve never been divorced, but every story I hear from you and others sounds like a nightmare. I wonder if your ex-husband would’ve fought you on this if you were married, like as the mother, you probably just would’ve been like we’re going to get vaxxed, and he would’ve been like mmmkay.
I hate to throw gender norms in there, but that seems to be the case still in most households.
My very roundabout question is…would he be fighting you on this if you were married?
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Most likely not
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It’s such a hard thing for everyone involved. Hang in there love. You’re doing the best you can.
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Thank you. It has always been this way I take a deep breath and forge ahead
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That sounds like a really tough situation. Hang in there and never forget that you are doing the best you can.
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Don’t know why he’s being so resistant to protecting his child against such an awful disease. Did he complain when your son got his polio vaccine too?
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That is exactly it. He did not make a peep. Kids here have the option of going and getting the vaccine without parental consent.
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