Death Stench

I ran across the parking lot in the rain.
Not a nice delicate rain but pounding down on the pavement.
And for some bizarre reason M had opened up the trunk to her car.
So after running through a puddle I had to run around the car slamming the trunk shut.
Opened the car door to jump in and stared in horror.
I am not the world’s best person when it comes to a clean vehicle.
I have empty pop cans and paper all over.
Every once in a while I I do a clean sweep.
Did one recently hence my smug attitude about this.
There are sunflower husks everywhere.
Not a few.
But hundreds.
Thousands littering the foot well.
I swear I saw tiny sunflower seed men begging for mercy as my foot crunched down on them.
Me: M like seriously??? What the hell is this?
M: I like sunflower seeds.
Me: Wow and I thought that my car was bad.
K: Yeah mom how gross.
M: At least I do not sit on moldy fries and have black things coming to life back there.
T: What is this? What am I sitting on?
Me: Is the bog monster back there?
T: Why is this slimy? What is this? Omg it looks like the coffee floats when I leave the cup in my room.
We all hop out into the rain and T is trying to clean up and get K to help him.
He is throwing cups and napkins in the bag.
Wiped the seat with a car wipe.
Made K change sides with him.
Into Lucy’s M and I went and she picked out two boxes of incense.
I picked out a candle (Hippie Love) and two boxes of incense myself.
Sandalwood and White Sage.
M picked out White Sage and something from the bowels of hell.
I cannot even begin to explain the scent to you all I can say is it was perfume with bitter undertones and it coated my tongue.
No I was not licking them it was the smell.
After several stops for T’s school clothes we are heading back home.
And the farts begin.
At first it stayed in the back seat.
Bouncing back and forth from K to T and back again.
Then T let one really rip.
Silently with a little vibration.
Now M is a fart connoisseur.
She farts loud and proud.
So to make her die takes a lot.
The smell was not as bad at first.
I mean I could smell it and I suppose since it was from my son’s butt I did not notice the rancid undertones.
But M did.
And then she made it worse.
She grabbed the box of incense that smell like the bowels of hell and began to wave it around in a desperate attempt to clear the air of the stench.
The bowels of hell met the rancidness of my son’s fart and…..
She was dying.
Like the gentleman above.
I was unable to get a video of her because the smell hit me.
I gasped immediately shoving my nose into my hands and putting the window down.
As M drove through a giant puddle.
Needless to say I shrieked and put the window back up a bit.
Never removing my hand from my face.
M and K drove off into the sunset.
T and me went inside and washed the new clothes we bought.
All in all a successful day hanging out with amazing friends.
Sept. 3/21
Pictures are my own and Pinterest
Video via Youtube
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