I am Embarrassed

This week has not been a good week.
There have been a few things that I have been mulling over and I needed to get the anger levels down before I wrote about the situation.
This post is not about that though.
Yesterday though.
I met the threshold.
There was no more that I was able to take.
It was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I have to put air in my tires and often.
So yesterday I left early to go over and put air in.
Especially the rear driver’s side.
It was low.
Drive over and the air hose is not there.
In I go.
I ask about the air hose and the girl behind the counter said I had to wait for the gas attendant to push the hose through the hole in the wall.
Okay no problem so off I go.
After waiting a few moments I went back to the front to see how many vehicles he had to fill.
And out comes another worker.
Her: I am sorry but the girl behind the counter did not know. You can’t get air because it is too cold out for the hose. It might crack.
I think I blinked several times trying to process this.
Me: All you need to do is push the hose through the hole.
Her: It is too cold the hose might crack.
It was -3 C.
Not cold by any means.
Me: Are you fucking kidding me? Are you telling me that I cannot get air? You push the hose through the hole and when I am done I push it back through so it will not crack.
Her eyes got very big.
Her: No no you just have to wait for the attendant.
I may have heard her wrong.
I admit that but I could not go any further.
I needed air and the last time it had been blocked off by a huge truck.
I phoned work to say I might be late.
As I am walking back I see the hose come shooting out the hole.
Spewing air or whatever it is that is in it.
I filled my tires and drove away.
Once the irritation at the inconvenience I had dealt with passed the guilt hit me.
I knew that I should not have sworn.
That is not who I am.
Or rather I try not to be that person.
It gnawed at me a bit.
Then a bit more.
I knew I had to apologize but I was beyond embarrassed by my behaviour.
And I was worried that if I went in she might be scared that I was there to be mean again.
As I sat here this morning more and more I knew I had to apologize.
And I looked out and saw the same car that had been there early in the morning yesterday.
And I had gone in earlier so it was the same girl I had snarled at.
I hemmed.
I hawed.
I decided to write a note.
I wrote that I was unsure if she was the young lady who was working Thursday morning.
That I was the woman who had sworn while talking to her.
That I wanted to apologize.
No excuses.
That I was embarrassed by my behaviour as that is not who I am.
And that again I was so sorry for how I acted.
I signed it Thank You. J.
When I went out I left it on the windshield of the car.
Under the wiper.
When I came home I was afraid that I was going to see it thrown to the ground.
But there was nothing there.
I am hoping that if it was not the right young woman that whomever does drive that car will pass it along.
Regardless of the stresses in my life I am not one to treat service people badly.
This time I did.
And I am not proud of myself at all.
©Oct. 22/21
Picture via Pinterest

Author: Jay-lyn Doerksen

A single hard working mom of a soon to be teenage son. A poet and story teller I have wanted to write since I was a child. This space is where I share stories about myself and my life and the creative poetry that stirs my soul. My hope is you will pull up a chair and a cup of coffee delving into the world that I offer and you find simple enjoyment for a few moments. Welcome to The Wonderful & Wacky World of One Single Mom

4 thoughts on “I am Embarrassed”

  1. Aww Sis, she wasn’t being clear, under the circumstances I think anyone might have sworn. The fact that you recognised what you did was wrong and apologised in writing to her will probably have been the first time that she has ever received an apology written or otherwise. Don’t beat yourself up too badly, you are only human after all. Love you Sis xxx

    Liked by 2 people

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