It’s Hard to Adult

Today was a bit of a struggle for me.
This morning two Framily members had breakdowns.
And I listened.
And I text back.
But it can weigh on a person especially when unable to be with them.
I messaged P to ask if she planned to have a breakdown today and if so could she possibly give me like 15 minutes heads up.
This way I can prepare.
Be ready.
She assured me that today was not the day for her breakdown.
As T and me are getting ready I feel a creeping sense of something not right.
Me: Are you doing drugs?
T: No.
Me: Are you drinking?
T: No.
Me: I feel like I am going to cry and I am trying to figure out why.
T: So you are looking for reasons to cry?
Me: No looking for reasons as to why I want to cry!
We got gas and went through the drive thru at Tim’s for T’s Vanilla Ice Cap.
As we pulled into the school drop off lane, snow was blowing and blustering, I asked him if he regretted not having his dad pick him up in this morning.
I had received at text shortly after 5 that the Ex could pick T up.
I said ok and went into T’s room to tell him.
He chose to sleep in.
T said no he preferred the extra sleep.
K could tell that something was bothering me and as we talked I said maybe it was because I was not going to see T until Sunday night now.
He is at his dad’s from today until then.
I got a little teary eyed as well.
It really is hard not to have him here.
There have been times in the past where I have been sitting here yelling his name and getting annoyed that he is not answering, only to remember that he is not here.
K pointed out to me that it was an indication of how close we are.
That the relationship we have is amazing and of course I am going to miss him.
And it is really only 3 sleeps and he will be home.
I can do 3 sleeps standing on my head.
©Feb. 10/22
Picture via Pinterest
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