Negativity Be Gone

Yesterday for me was a difficult day. It was not nice enough to sit outside. I spent money to make myself feel better which it did for a bit, and I needed the items I purchased (at least the cutting shears and gardening gloves) while the others were not essential at all but made me happy. Super comfortable sweats. A new tank and incense. Dragon’s Blood. I love the smell of it.

I was having issues with a negative nelly in my head. She kept telling me things I did not want to hear. Things that I have not thought of or worried about in forever. But there she was nattering away in my ear. So much so that I had a two hour nap from 11:30-1:30 but when I woke up she was still there.

Calling me a loser. Telling me I was a fool. That I do not deserve to be happy. On loop. And I know that these things are not true. She knows they are not true. But when she comes equipped with your very own voice it can burrow beneath your skin.

Eventually I decided that I was going to do an aura cleanse. I did skip the shower part (because I forgot) and jumped right to the bath part. Two cups of Epsom salt. I used Dr. Teal’s Sativa blend. Perhaps a little more I could not find my measuring cup. Then 10 drops of Rosemary essential oil. I submerged myself up to my shoulders and took a deep breath. Closed my eyes and let the water and scent envelope me.

45 minutes later I was feeling better and got out of the tub. As the water drained away I envisioned my negativity as black ribbons flowing from the soles of my feet and away with the bath water.

I also took the day alone. No phone. No laptop. And set a boundary with myself that there would be no negativity for the rest of the evening. It was quiet but I ended my evening still feeling at peace.

Today I decided that I was going to do my Food Safety Modules which I was scheduled to do Tuesday Aug. 3. Completely forgot that our Admin had told me that I could do the modules whenever I wanted and still have the 3rd off in lieu of the days I did the course work. I finished it all today.

I only had one quiz that I had to re-do like 4x but I just could not grasp it. Here is hoping that I will recall the information when I do the exam. Which needs to be done in-store with someone monitoring me. To ensure that I do not cheat.

I am on day 4 of 11 alone. T is with his dad and family.

July 24/22

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